Born On This Day, 110 Years Ago, Dahling.... Gay Icon Tallulah Bankhead

I am a gay man of a certain age, where telling Tallulah stories & imitating the famed personality was de rigueur at brunches & parties. Now, who has heard of her?

She lived an amazing, spontaneously combustible life, brimming with panache. She loved men, women, liquor, & cocaine, & she smoked like an Alabama smokehouse. There are so many anecdotes about her. Let’s start with this one: It was 1931 & she was traveling to Hollywood for the first time. Riding with her on the train was Joan Crawford & her husband, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. Tallulah Bankhead: "Joan, Dahling… you're divine. I've had an affair with your husband. You'll be next."

Sadly her films are mostly uninteresting & do not showcase her considerable talents, except for Alfred Hitchcock’s Lifeboat. Her performance was fearless & memorable. Hitchcock knew how to use Bankhead’s skills.

The outsized Bankhead was perfect for the stage,& the theatre is where she made her mark: She triumphed as the conniving Regina in Lillian Hellman’s The Little Foxes, Sabina in The Skin Of Our Teeth, Private Lives & A Streetcar Named Desire.

Her molasses & whiskey voice, dry wit & impeccable timing Bankhead’s calling card, where her personality came through on radio & TV, with ingenious flare for the wicked & outré. The Sands Hotel in Las Vegas paid her, what was then, a very generous $20,000 per week to perform her solo show which included monologues, songs & poem readings

Bankhead was always very frank & forthcoming about taking lovers of both genders: “My father warned me about men & booze but he never said anything about women & cocaine.” She enjoyed assignations with Billie Holliday, Eva La Galliene, Marlene Dietrich, Mercedes de Acosta, Hattie McDaniel & Patsy Kelly. She never shied away from her attraction to men & she was said to be a loyal lifelong friends to her women.

Bankhead lived a life of audacious adventure & sensual sprees, with a skewed sense of humor & a penchant for the outspoken & outrageous. She was generous; the dividing line between friendship & employee was nearly invisible. Bankhead loved to have young, handsome gay men act as her valet, mixing drinks & drawing her baths. She felt emotions with gravity, & took disappointments in stride. She died too young, at the age of 62, in 1968, having had a raucous, ribald life, & she never wasted a moment of it.

Bankhead Quotes (& there are plenty of them, Dahling...):

"Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once."

"I did what I could to inflate the rumor I was on my way to stardom. What I was on my way to, by any mathematical standards known to man, was oblivion, by way of obscurity."

"I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, & I hate to be alone."

"I read Shakespeare & the Bible, & I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education."

"I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right."

"I'll come & make love to you at 5 o'clock. If I'm late start without me."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"I've been called many things, but never an intellectual."

"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."

"If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience."

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time"

"Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it."

"They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum."

TV Director John Rich R.I.P.

John Rich, who directed television shows from Gilligan's Island to All in the Family, passed on 29 January 2012. He was 86 years old.

John Rich was born in Rockaway Beach, New York on 6 July 1925. During World War II he served as a navigator in the United States Army Air Forces, although he was never sent overseas. After the war he attended the University of Michigan, where he received both a bachelor's and a master's degree in English. It was while at the University of Michigan that he entered the entertainment industry. He worked as a disc jockey for a local radio station. After he graduated he moved to New York where he worked on the NBC radio show Wanted. Afterwards he moved into television, working as the stage manager on various NBC shows, including The Kraft Television Theatre.

It was in 1951 that John Rich broke into directing with an episode of Big Town. In the Fifties he directed such series as Colonel Humphrey Flack, I Married Joan, Where's Raymond, Our Miss Brooks, Conflict, The Rough Riders, Bat Masterson, and The Rifleman. In the Sixties he directed such series as The Twilight Zone, Mister Ed, The Dick Van Dyke Show (for which he won an Emmy), Gilligan's Island, Bonanza, Hogan's Heroes, Gunsmoke, Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C., and That Girl. He also directed the motion pictures Wives and Lovers (1963), The New Interns (1964), Roustabout (1964), and Easy Come, Easy Go (1967).

In the Seventies he directed such shows as All in the Family (for which he won another Emmy), Barney Miller, On the Rocks, and Benson. He also served as a producer on such shows as All in the Family, On the Rocks, and Benson. In the Eighties he directed such shows as Newhart, Condo, Mr. Sunshine, and Dear John. He produced the shows Condo and Mr. Sunshine. In the Nineties he directed such show as The Man in the Family, Walter & Emily, The Second Half, Murphy Brown, If Not For You, Hudson Street, and Something So Right. He produced the shows Walter & Emily and MacGyver.

There can be little doubt that John Rich was one of the best sitcom directors in the history of television. He directed some of the best known episodes of sitcoms widely regarded as classics. For The Dick Van Dyke Show he directed "Laura's Little Lie"/"Very Old Shoes, Very Old Rice (a two parter in which it is revealed Laura lied about her age when they were married). For All in the Family he directed "Sammy's Visit (the episode guest starring Sammy Davis, Jr.)." For Gilligan's Island he directed the very first episode, "Two on a Raft." Of course, Mr. Rich's talents went beyond directing comedy. He also directed the classic Twilight Zone episode, "A Kind of a Stopwatch." It was a simple case that John Rich worked on some of the greatest sitcoms of all time. He also made some of the greatest episode of those sitcoms and some of the best episodes of dramas as well.

A Special Pre-Valentines Day Message From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.



----- Forwarded Message ----
From: cialis@2934.kadsf.tv
To: mailinglist@mindspring.com
Sent: Mon, January 9, 2012 9:28:55 PM
Subject: Fw: [Fwd: INSPIRING PHOTOS!!!!!]

THIS IS WONDERFUL. GREAT PICTURES AND GREAT ADVICE.
The irony of these beautiful photos is that we may never have seen them if the artist hadn't died prematurely at age 57 when his plane crashed on February 6th, 2010.
Carlos Alberto was from Mendoza, Peru, one of the provinces next to the Andes. absolutely magnificent photos
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Hotmail: Free, trusted and rich email service. Get it now. =

CHRISTINA AGUILERA DID NOT PEE ON HERSELF NOR DID SHE HAVE A MENSTRUAL ACCIDENT AT ETTA JAMES' FUNERAL: The Internet was on fire yesterday with CHRISTINA AGUILERA'S performance at ETTA JAMES' funeral this weekend. And not because of her over blown singing either. It was over a mysterious substance that was caught on camera streaking down her legs.

People were speculating all kinds of gross -- like that she peed herself, that her monthly visitor had chosen that time to show up, and that she'd gotten in a quickie before taking the stage.

Well, according to an 'Us' magazine "insider" it was the least gross explanation: "The sweat caused her spray tan to streak." Of course! Because famous or not, it's always important to have a tanned nether region!!!

MADONNA VS. LADY GAGA - ROUND TWO!!! WHO YOU GOT???: Madonna's claws are out again. This time she reportedly stipulated that if she is going to attend anyone's Oscar parties, Lady Gaga can't be on the same guest list.

A source told Showbiz Spy, "She doesn't usually act like this, even about bitter enemies such as Sean Penn and J. Lo." So what's the big deal about Lady Gaga being in the same room as her? The source claims that she didn't want to be forced into a photo-op with Gaga.

Madge started the whole thing when she began her promotional tour for her movie “W.E.” a few weeks ago and people asked her what she thought of Gaga's "Born This Way" which had sparked comparisons to "Express Yourself.” She responded by calling the track "reductive" and a "wonderful way to redo" her song.

ELTON JOHN VS MADONNA – ROUND TWO!!! WHO YOU GOT???: If you recall war between ELTON JOHN and MADONNA was declared a couple of weeks ago when prior to the Golden Globes, Elton told a reporter that Madonna had no bleeping chance of winning the Best Original Song award and followed it up by declaring that they weren’t fighting words, they were "accurate words."

Later, when Madge was told of the comment, she replied, “Was he wearing a dress?” then added, "may the best man win.” That man ended up being Madonna.

Well, now, Elton has reignited everything in the form of some "friendly" advice to Madonna concerning her upcoming Super Bowl halftime show. After Elton told ABC News that he had never seen a decent halftime show, he encouraged Madonna's performance by saying, "Make sure you lip-sync good."

J.LO VOWS TO NEVER DISCUSS DIVORCE IN PUBLIC AGAIN: JENNIFER LOPEZ sat down with MATT LAUER on the “Today” show yesterday to talk about “American Idol” but Lauer had other ideas. Instead of staying on task, he quickly steered the conversation in the direction of her love life.

Lauer tried to get J.Lo to talk about her interview with Vanity Fair where she opened up about walking away from her marriage to MARC ANTHONY.

When asked if she could elaborate on the interview, Lopez replied, "No I can't," adding, "Because everything I wanted to say about the divorce I said in that article, and Marc and I agreed we weren't going to talk about it publicly again because it really is our personal life.

JLo was a bit more forthcoming, and definitely had more fun later in the day when she paid DAVID LETTERMAN a visit ...



KARDASHIANS GO TOPLESS!!! KIM, KOURTNEY, AND KHLOE were caught on camera topless, and we have the photo!!! Okay, it was for the new ad for their line of jeans and their naughty bits are covered ... but still!

JESSICA SIMPSON SHOWS US HER TWEETS: Check out the pic JESSICA SIMPSON Tweeted yesterday of her "pregnancy face" ...

Jess captioned the photo: "Woke up looking like the lip injection fairy visited me in the night! Is this how pregnancy face begins?! Yikes!"

On a related note ... Look how scary big Jess is getting

DEMI MOORE GETTING ‘SPIRITUAL’ HELP: Although DEMI MOORE'S exact whereabouts in the wake of her recent hospitalization are unknown, sources told E! she IS getting help in the form of "spiritual counseling." The E! insider adds that reports of Moore having entered a residential treatment program, however, are untrue.

Meanwhile … ASHTON KUTCHER has yet to officially commented on Demi’s drama, but he did post a page scanned from the book "The Four Agreements" on his Facebook along with the words, "Friend sent me this today thought it was valuable to share."

The rules include "Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others," and "Nothing others do is because of you."

CELEBRITY TATTS: KYRA SEDGWICK showed off some new ink over the weekend. Kyra resisted the urge to go all 'thug life' like RIHANNA recently did, band instead went with the initials K, K, S and T on her ribcage.

One K is for her and the other is for that lucky bastard husband KEVIN BACON. The S is for their 19-year-old daughter Sosie and the T is for their 22-year-old son Travis

RELATIONSHIP REPORT:  How's this for a downgrade? Elisabetta Canalis has reportedly gone from George Clooney to Jackass Steve-O.

Rumors of their romance have been swirling for weeks and the two were spotted together at a West Hollywood hair salon over the weekend. Neither has confirmed if they're more than buds. I suppose when you've dated Clooney, there's nowhere to go but down.

Ian Abercrombie R.I.P.

Ian Abercrombie passed on 26 January 2012 at the age of 77. The cause was kidney failure. He had been diagnosed with lymphoma.

Ian Abercrombie was born in Grays, Essex on 11 September 1934. He started out as a dancer and at age 17 migrated to the United States. He made his debut on stage in Stalag 17 in 1955. In 1957 he was drafted into the United States Army. He served in Special Services in Germany. After he was demobilised Mr. Abercrombie appeared on stage in the Los Angeles area. He made his feature film debut in an uncredited role in Von Ryan's Express in 1965. He made his television debut the same year in an episode of Amos Burke Secret Agent. For the remainder of the Sixties he appeared in the TV shows as Dragnet and Get Smart. He appeared in the movies Star! (1968), They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1968), and The Molly Maguires (1970).

In the Seventies Ian Abercrombie guest starred on the shows O'Hara U. S. Treasury, Search, Columbo, Barnaby Jones, Cannon, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, Battlestar Galactica, and The Life and Times of Eddie Roberts. He appeared in such movies as Wicked, Wicked (1973), Young Frankenstein (1974), Sextette (1978), The Prisoner of Zenda (1979), and Blood Beach (1980).  In the Eighties he appeared in such TV shows as Quincy M.E., Knot's Landing, The Devlin Connection, Happy Days, Tucker's Witch, Three's Company, Airwolf, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Hotel, L. A. Law, Dynasty, Moonlighting, Tales From the Crypt, Twin Peaks, The Flash, and Alf. Mr. Abercrombie was a regular on the soap opera Santa Barbara. He appeared in such movies as Getting Even (1981), The Ice Pirates (1984), Last Resort (1986), Flicks (1987), and Warlock (1989).

 In the Nineties he appeared in such movies as Zandalee (1991), Puppet Master 3: Toulon's Revenge (1991), Army of Darkness (1992), Addams Family Values (1993), Mousehunt (1997), and Wild Wild West (1999). He was a semi-regular on the sitcom Seinfeld. He guest starred on such shows as Coach, The Nanny, Murphy Brown, Northern Exposure, Cybil, Babylon 5, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Star Trek: Voyager. In the Naughts he was a regular on ChromiumBlue.Com, Birds of Prey, and The Wizards of Waverly Place. He provided the voice of Chancellor Palpatine for the animated series Star Wars: The Clone Wars.  He appeared on such shows as Crossing Jordan, The District, Nip/Tuck, Charmed, Summerland, Desperate Housewives, and How I Met Your Mother. He appeared in the films Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing & Charm School (2005), Inland Empire (2006),  and Based on a True Story (2008). He was the voice of Ambrose on Rango (2011).

Ian Abercrombie was the modern day equivalent of the great characters of old. He was very rarely cast in major roles in films and he was a regular on TV shows only a few times. Most of his career was spent in guest appearances on television programmes and small parts in movies. Despite this he was always memorable and his characters were memorable as a result. Although he was only on screen for a few minutes, he easily made an impression as the Wiseman in Army of Darkness. By the same token, he only appeared in seven episodes of Seinfeld as Elaine's boss Mr. Pitt, yet everyone remembers the character better than many who appeared more often on the show. Ian Abercrombie had a talent for creating believable characters in a very limited time on screen, a talent he put to good use throughout his career.

Born On This Day- January 30th... Mark Eitzel

Mark Eitzel was born on this day in 1959. He seems like the sort of guy I would spot at The Eagle, the neighborhood gay watering hole, sitting alone in a shadow, a guy who shows up in the afternoon & stays till last call, stirring his drink, sadly staring at the porn playing on the TV monitors over the bar, muttering to himself, or mouthing the words to an ABBA song playing on the stereo system. I am louche & lazy in a corner reading Dashiell Hammett & we sneek peeks at each other.

He is a gay guy who sang "Ain't no sunshine when he's gone" when he covered theBill Withers song. Eitzel is a guy who claims work at staying away from being labeled as a "gay" artist, but writes songs about Cleopatra Jones & dedicated songs to Barbra Streisand.

Eitzel has made a career out of being sorrowful. He was once the lead singer/songwriter for the band- American Music Club (1985-1994) with 7 albums, & he has released 13 solo albums. He is a songwriter of stunning talent, but his sadness is inescapable, inextricably intertwined into every line of his lyrics. Eitzel's indulgently miserable musings give off a torchy atmosphere. Eitzel composes emotionally eviscerating, elegiac, sometimes furious music. He sings in a plain, sloppy voice; the most heartbreaking thing about Eitzel is that his songs are often tinged with just the slightest bit of hope:

"Forgot there was such a thing as good people left

Can't you just save my life

I got a fresh screwdriver right before closing time..."

If he is new to you try something off 60 Watt Silver Lining from 1996. Remember the 1990s?

EADJ Explains What's New About The Revised Catholic Mass Texts

Unless you've been a Catholic living under a rock or a non-Catholic, or a Catholic who hasn't attended church in a while which sounds like a whole lot of Catholics I know, you may have noticed that many of the words you've recited mindlessly by rote all your life in Mass have changed since November of last year.

"What's the dilly, yo?" you may ask your priest. The answer is that your Mass is still the same but features new translations of prayers from Latin to English. And since Eat A Dick Joel is your main source of spirituality, here now we highlight the most significant changes in your Mass text:

• "Our Father" now replaced with lyrics from the opening credits for "Land of the Lost"

• The Nicene Creed is now more Niceney.

• The Apostle's Creed is now required by law to be recited alongside a member from Creed (it doesn't have to be Scott Stapp).

• When the priest says "The Lord be with you," you can now say "Ditto."


• General Intercessions now include a common prayer for Katherine Heigl to stop making movies.

• For the first time ever, worshippers are allowed to enjoy a Snickers bar during the service.

• The Epiclesis is explained in better detail during the Anamnesis.

• The Recessional hymn is interrupted by a referee's whistle if anyone tries to leave their pew before the last verse.

Fortunately, the dress code in church has stayed the same:

DEMI MOORE WAS SMOKING SOMETHING THAT WASN'T POT: An edited version of the 911 call that preceded DEMI MOORE'S hospitalization last week hit the Internet over the weekend, and from it we've been able to determing Demi was smoking something.

We just don't know what.

In it, an unidentified woman says Moore smoked something that was NOT marijuana and that she was having convulsions. A second woman then gets on the phone and when asked what she took, the woman says, quote, "Some form of" . . . but whatever she says next is edited out.

LISTEN: 911 Call Excerpt
LINK: Entire 911 call

SO WHAT *WAS* DEMI SMOKING???: Was it the legal hallucinogen that MILEY CYRUS was caught on video smoking back in December of 2010SALVIA that sent DEMI MOORE to the hospital last Monday? That's one of the theories being floated this morning.

Another possibility is that Demi was toking spice -- a synthetic form of pot also known as K2 or herbal incense. According to "Us Weekly", some medical studies have linked spice to, quote, "psychosis, heart attacks and convulsions."

Meanwhile ... Rumors are still lingering that Moore was doing whip-its at the time. TMZ claims that mention of nitrous oxide was edited out of the released call because of privacy issues. Of course they're the ones who reported Demi was doing whip-its in the first place. That has yet to be confirmed.

LISTEN: 'Whip-it's' Goof Song - As Heard on Mike&Tricia

COULD BE TRUE, BUT PROBABLY CRAP - KIM KARDASHIAN HAS SET HER SIGHTS ON TIM TEBOW!!!: This is so presosterous it's probably no where near being true, but it's also too ridiculously good to pass up.

The "National Enquirer" claims KIM KARDASHIAN is trying to get her hooks into TIM TEBOW!!! According to their source, Kim is not only totally crushing on Tebow, but, quote, "needs to rehab her image to get her career revved up again. Dating someone like Tim Tebow would certainly do the trick."

Tim is supposedly aware of Kim's crush and is "flattered", but "not interested." Says the source, "He's an avowed virgin who's saving himself for marriage and is looking for a woman with similar values, not someone with two failed marriages AND a sex tape in her past."

On a related Kim K. note ... The "Kourtney & Kim Take New York" season finale that showed Kim deciding to end her marriage with Kris Humphries aired last night. In it, Kim is shown finally breaking down to Kourtney, sobbing, "He's a good heart, he's a Christian -- everything on paper I want in someone, but for some reason, my heart isn't connecting."

"He fell in love with me and I fell in love with him and now all my feelings have changed...I invited all these people to this huge wedding and flew everyone out, wasted everyone's time and everyone's money -- everyone's everything -- and I feel bad."

LISTEN: Kim Gets Emotional

They didn't show the actual split, though. The show ends with Kim and Kris leaving New York on a near-silent ride to the airport, with Kim adding, "I wanted to be married by 30, and everything I envisioned my life to be is not the fairy tale I wanted it to be."

LINK: Katy Perry Stuns in First Post Split Appearance

CATHERINE ZETA JONES PREGNANT - YES OR NO?: "Star" tabloid wants us to believe CATHERINE ZETA-JONES has been fetused by the Mantasic MICHAEL DOUGLAS again.

Here are the photos that supposedly show her baby bump. We Report, You Decide. Zeta-Jones pregnant … Yes or No? (Click the pic to enlarge)

LINK: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Don't Let Their Kids Google Them

Come Out Of The Closet! Two Out Entertainers Share A Birthday

Gay entertainers who stay in the closet are missing out on a chance to be a catalyst for change in the lives of young gay people across this great country, especially when we can more or less figure out that they homos.

Too many children today are living in an environment that indoctrinates them to consider homosexuality as sinful, deplorable, or even fictional. Millions of children are being convinced that they feel different because they simply want the attention. Young people deserve homosexual role models. But too many celebs remain afraid to come out. Coming out as gay can still potentially ruin a career, so many don't take the risk. The bigger your star the harder you fall. But the bigger you are, the bigger the impact your coming out might have.

I feel that sitting on a secret that could help gay youth come to terms with who they are, mean closeted show biz figures are cheating the world of positive examples of what it means to be homosexual. They need to get brave.

I remain a fan of the working class comedy- Rosanne.I consider it to be one of the 10 best sit-coms of all time. From 1988-1997, this very funny & groundbreaking show often featured gay story lines. In an episode titled: Don’t Ask/ Don’t Tell, proving that she's cool, Roseanne Conner (Roseanne Barr) goes out dancing at a gay bar wittily named "Lips" with her sister Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) & friend Nancy (Sandra Bernhard) & Nancy's girlfriend Sharon (Mariel Hemingway). Roseanne is having fun until Sharon kisses her, causing Roseanne anxiety. The next day, after discussing the kiss with Jackie & getting into an argument with Nancy, Roseanne realizes that she may not be as cool as she thinks she is. In the 1995 episode- December Bride, long-time character Leon (Martin Mull) marries his boyfriend Scott (Fred Willard). Roseanne's husband Dan (John Goodman) is distressed at seeing the men kiss & Roseanne chastises him for making a fuss about 2 people of the same sex kissing. Sharon (Hemingway, again) then sits down behind Roseanne & says hello. Her cameo serves as a callback to the earlier episode.

Sara Gilbert decided at a very young age that she wanted to be an actress after her older sister, Melissa Gilbert (one time SAG President), got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the age of 13 she nabbed the role of Darlene Conner, the sarcastic middle child, on Roseanne. Gilbert remained a cast member during the show's entire 9 year run. Her contribution was considered so important to Roseanne that the show's producers juggled storylines & taping schedules to allow her to attend Yale University while remaining part of the cast, shooting remote segments of Darlene at a soundstage in NYC. At Yale, she majored in photography, & graduated with honors in 1997.

Since 2007 she has appeared in series episodes of The Big Bang Theory as a scientist friend, with benefits, of the character played by adorkable-Johnny Galecki, who also portrayed her longtime boyfriend & husband David on Roseanne.

Gilbert is a co-host & executive producer of The Talk. Along with Gilbert, Julie Chen, Sharon Osbourne, Sheryl Underwood & Aisha Tyler co-hosts.

Gilbert finally came out publicly as a lesbian in 2010. She had been in a decade long relationship with TV producer Allison Adler. They have 2 children. They separated this past summer. Gilbert is now in a relationship with songwriter Linda Perry. Gilbert is a long time vegetarian & a supporter of PETA, Meals on Wheels, Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, & AIDS Project Los Angeles.

Adam Lambert cleared up any speculation about his sexuality in 2009 in an interview for Rolling Stone Magazine. Lambert: "I don't think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I'm gay, I've been living in LA for 8 years as a gay man. I embrace it, it’s just another part of me, but I'm trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader". Lambert, was sort of closeted on American Idol: "It would have been so sensationalized that it would overshadow what I was there to do, which was sing.”

As an openly gay man, Lambert has been an advocate for full equality. He was presented, by gay singer Sam Sparro, the Equality Idol award at Equality California annual Equality Awards for being a role model for the LGBT community. Lambert was honored at a PFLAG National LA event. He received a GLAAD Media Award nomination for Outstanding Music Artist in 2010. Lambert produced a YouTube clip for the "It Gets Better" campaign, encouraging fans to have pride in themselves & not allow bullies to win.

Lambert has given proceeds from his song- Aftermath to support The Trevor Project, the national organization providing crisis intervention & suicide prevention services to LGBT youth.

I have never owned any Lambert tunes, but I appreciate his big lungs & big hair, his huge, controlled vocal range & bombastic personality. I’m simply not a fan of American Idol style singing. This makes me feel very old.

Gilbert turns 37 years old today & Lambert, currently in a relationship with Finnish TV personality Sauli Koskinen, is 30 years old today. I'm sorry, but writing- "Finnish TV personality", just cracked me up.

Indie Rock Blood Libel!

                Hey guys it's been a long while.  What's up?  Lots is up with us.  I noticed that the last post was Dec. 18th so here's what's happened since then-

Shows Played:
Dec 20th at Bunk Bar
Dec 30th at Tonic Lounge
Jan 3rd at Ash Street Saloon
Jan 4th at Plan B
Jan 10th at Ella St.
Jan 14th at Slim's


A show on the 19th got canceled and we were scheduled to go play the Horned Hand in Bend a couple days ago but Jay was in the hospital.  He's not anymore though so it's cool.  We've got some more stuff comin up that we'll fill you in on when the time is right.

Here's a vide'er of us playing at Slim's



Pretty kewl.

We somehow also got a write up in the Willamette Week ("the hipster bible"- Gay Mcanus").  Read all about it.  The first part pretty much says we're ripping off Built to Spill's first album but he says some nice stuff at the end.  Here's a way cooler write up.  This dude happened to be at one of our shows and said some pretty nice stuff about us on his blog.  Makes me feel all warm and nice inside.  His blog is sweet so check it out.
                Even though tons of awesome stuff has been going on this past month, in my mind, the last 30 days have existed only to frustrate and enrage me (seriously though).  Flash back to a month ago- We decided it was time to record some new demos that would reflect our current sound and feature some new material to be consumed and then defecated out the anus of the internet.  We got a bunch of gear and set up in Fred's Basement Ⓡ.  A few days were spent recording basic tracks in the basement (we'd never used the gear before so that took some figuring out) after which we moved the whole operation back to our jam space where I could finish up the overdubs and vocal tracks.  None of that was too awful but as always, the universe in it's infinite majesty intervened and made sure that however smoothly things had been going up until that point, the final stages of production would suck really really really really really hard.  Mixing tracks that have been recorded at an assortment of radically different volume levels is the shittiest thing ever.  Fire Bombing of Dresden, shmire shmobbing of shmesden.  The only thing worse than spending days "mixing tracks that have been recorded at an assortment of radically different volume levels" is losing the final mix because the software you were using was pirated two years ago and the evil programmers of said software decided it was time to punish those less fortunate among us, who didn't want to pay $500 for what is for all (my) intents and purposes, a digital eight-track, by (after two whole fucking years!) presenting me (i'm too bitter for 1st/2nd person consistency) with a dinky little error message and eating everything.  Everything.  Hours upon hours of hellish, tedious, this-fucking-sucks work- now gone forever.  Erased from space-time, infinitely, unless that same universe in it's same infinite majesty decides to construct, out of randomly assorted atoms, identical WAV files, in the some desolate, godless, sioux-fallsless region of space, quintillions of years down the road.  
                As Fred's lease is due to run out at the end of the month, we had mere weeks- because of our work schedules and time constraints i.e. noise complaints, mere days to re-assemble what we had lost.  With some help from the Gods (and goddesses [just kidding, girls can't play guitar]) of Rawk we managed to do just that.  "So Isaac, where are these demos?" you might ask.  Well reader, with our gear safely back in our beloved practice space, I'm going to spend the next few days recording (or re-recording) overdubs and vocals.  Since everything was recorded at consistent levels this time around, mixing will be a relative breeze compared to the Augean Stables cluster-fuck mentioned previously.  If all goes well, the new, legally acquired recording software will treat us with a greater kindness and the demos will be up on world wide web in the next few days (we also sacrificed an innocent, gentile toddler to those same God's of Rawk just to ensure everything goes smoothly).  Fingers Crossed.


As is now customary on this blog, here is some cool music I found while perusing the internets.




Talk to ya soon

The 70th Anniversary of Desert Island Discs

It was 70 years ago today, 29 January 1942, that Desert Island Discs, debuted on BBC radio. The programme was created by Roy Plomley The concept of the programme was simple, but unique. Each week a guest (referred to as a "castaway") chooses eight works of music, a book, and a luxury item that they would want if they were stranded on a desert island. The luxury has to be an inanimate object that cannot be used for rescue from the island (such as a boat) or used for communications with the world outside the island (for instance, a satellite phone would not be allowed today). During Roy Plomley's tenure as presenter these rules were fairly strictly enforced. Today a bit more leeway is allowed with regards to the rules. At the same time the guest or castaway discusses their lives and the reason for their choices of music, book, and luxury. In the end Desert Island Discs is an odd combination of interview programme and music programme.

Despite its rather singular format or perhaps because of it, Desert Island Discs is the longest running radio programme in British history and the second longest running worldwide (surpassed only by The Grand Ole Opry). In the course of its history it has featured almost 3000 castaways, with very few castaways appearing more than once. The show's very first castaway was actor and comedian Vic Oliver. His first choice of music and hence the first music played on the show as Chopin’s Étude No.12 in C minor played by pianist Alfred Cortot.

Over the year's the show's format has changed very little, although it has changed presenters from time to time. The creator of Desert Island Discs, Roy Plomley, also had the longest stint as its presenter, from the show's debut in 1942 to his death in 1985. Sir Michael Parkinson, best known for his television show Parkinson, took over from Mr. Plomley and served as its presenter until 1988. Sue Lawley, who had served as the anchor of the nightly news show Tonight and an anchor on Nationwide, took over from Mr. Parkinson. She remained with Desert Island Discs until 2006. Kirsty Young, who had worked for BBC Radio Scotland, Scottish Television, and ITV, took over from Sue Lawley and has been with the show ever since.

Although relatively rarely given its 70 years, Desert Island Discs has seen controversy. Perhaps it most controversial guest was Lady Diana Mosley in 1989, who referred to Adolph Hitler as "fascinating" and, when asked by Sue Lawley, "What about the six million Jews murdered by the Nazis," replied with "Oh no, I don't think it was that many." The BBC received hundreds of complaints in response to the interview. In 1996 it was Sue Lawley herself who invited controversy, by questioning then Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown's sexuality. Other times Desert Island Discs has seen less than friendly guests. Roy Plomley made the mistake of stating to movie director Otto Preminger that in growing up in various European cities he must have led "...a rather gipsy existence." Mr. Preminger took offence and proceeded to make insults about Mr. Plomley's appearance. Mr. Plomley also had a difficult time with Lauren Bacall, who seemed to grow more agitated with each time he complimented her.

27 September 2009 was another important date in the history of Desert Island Discs. It was on that date that the BBC reached an agreement with Mr. Plomley's family to stream the programme on BBC's iPlayer online. On 30 March 2011 the BBC made 500 of the older episodes of the show available on iPlayer. It is also available through ITunes.

If Desert Island Discs has lasted seventy years, its perhaps because of its unusual format. In having guests imagine that they are on a desert island, the programme actually allows them to talk about things that they might not on a regular interview show. It was on the show that Yoko Ono revealed she had thought about aborting her son Sean. It was also on the show that TV producer Jimmy Mulville talked about his father's suicide. Of course, much of the show's appeal was also the music. On no other interview show would guests be asked to choose eight songs that they would like to have a desert island. Indeed, the choices of various guests' music was often surprising and often revealed a good deal about them. The unique format of Desert Island Discs allowed it to last seventy years. It seems likely it will last seventy more.

Could Timeline Be the End of Facebook?

Anyone who has read this blog knows that I have a long history of complaining about Facebook. The reason is that more than any other web site it seems to me that Facebook has become progressively less and less useful over the years. There was a change to the profiles in January 2011 whereby one's status update was no longer displayed at the top of the page. In September 2011 Facebook changed the news feed so it could not be read in reverse chronological order (a change that was so unpopular that Facebook back pedalled on it two months later). Now come 1 February Facebook is making mandatory something that they had introduced last September: Timeline. It seems to be upsetting users as much as, if not more so than, the change they made to the news feed last September.

Essentially, Timeline is a new sort of profile that, in Facebook's words, "...lets you highlight the photos, posts and life events that help you tell your story." With Timeline one or one's friends can more easily check out one's activity on Facebook at any given time. Perhaps because of this there have been concerns expressed in the press over privacy. The fears expressed in the press are that Facebook will apparently share too much of one's information. That having been said, I do not think this is the case myself. Having tried  Timeline on a test profile, I did not notice that it changed my privacy settings at all. What was always visible to friends was still only visible to friends and what was private was still private. Nor have I heard any of my friends who have switched to Timeline complain about privacy concerns.

Related to the concerns over privacy, the press has expressed some concern that Timeline could unearth some past embarrassing activity for users on Facebook, but I honestly do not think this concerns the average person. I think most of us over the age of 16 know better than to post anything that might come back to haunt us later on a social networking site. Besides, once Facebook switches one over to Timeline, it gives him or her a seven day grace period in which to clean up any dirty laundry. I honestly think that the press is wrong with regards to concerns over Timeline seriously affecting user's privacy. Indeed, I haven't heard any of my friends panicking over the idea that now old posts will be more easily found.

Instead, the majority of complaints I have heard about Timeline (and it is one I have myself) concern its layout. Quite simply, unlike the current profile, Timeline is not laid out in a linear fashion. Instead it is laid out in two columns and appears to be meant to be read from left to right. Many users (including myself) have complained that this layout is downright confusing. Indeed, it took me a few weeks to make heads or tails out of my friends' profiles who had switched to Timeline (and keep in mind I consider myself more tech savvy than most). In addition, the layout is not particularly attractive. It is as if Facebook has all of a sudden forgotten the KISS Principle (Keep It Simple, Stupid) and turned into MySpace in its later incarnations. Indeed, instead of Facebook, Timeline looks like some sort of strange hybrid between Facebook and MySpace--"Spacebook" or "MyFace." Now I do know a few people who have changed to Timeline and like it. And I know even more who prefer the old profile, but do not mind Timeline too much. That having been said, these cases seem to be the exception to the rule. The majority of people who have changed to Timeline seem to hate it. And I do mean, hate it.

With users upset over Timeline, I really must say that I don't understand why they simply did not take it out for retooling shortly after the first complaints emerged in September . After all, I will say there are things about Timeline I do like, namely the ability to easily go to any month in any year to look at one's posts. That having been said, I think this functionality could have easily been combined with the current profile. People woudl still have their wall that could be read in linear fashion, but they could jump to say, December 2007 if they wanted to. Indeed, had they gone that route I do not think people would be nearly so resistant to Timeline as they are.

While most users have gotten upset over many of the changes Facebook has made over the years, they seem to be more upset with the switch to Timeline than anything except the aforementioned changed to the News Feed. I have known a few users who have said that they will stop using Facebook if Timeline is forced upon them. If one looks at any post regarding Timeline on Facebook's own official Facebook page, one will find several posts from people wanting to know how to change back to the old profile or begging them not to go forward with Timeline. What is more pages protesting Timeline have popped up on Facebook. A page called "I Hate Timeline" has over 6000 members. Another page called "Remove Timeline" has over 10,000 members. Yet another page named more succinctly, "Timeline Sucks"," has over 13,000 members. A simple Google search reveals several different petitions demanding that Facebook does not go forward with Timeline or does away with it completely.

Now admittedly, this sort of outrage has happened every time that Facebook has introduced some sort of change, but after the whole brouhaha over the change to the News Feed, I have to wonder that Facebook users do not mean it this time. The simple fact is that over the past three years Facebook has introduced more changes than most web sites have in ten, often against the wishes of its users. I rather suspect that users were tired of the constant changes two years ago. Indeed, is it any wonder that Facebook is now the most hated company in America? That's right, people actually hate Facebook more than the airlines or the telephone company. In the past Facebook could afford to force changes on its users, despite how angry it would make them or how much people would hate Facebook for it (this is not their first time on the Ten Most Hated Companies list), because they were more or less the only game in town. Even with the changes Facebook would make, they were still better than their competitors (MySpace, Orkut, MyYearbook,  et. al.).

Now I am not so sure they can afford to ignore users' complaints about a change. The simple fact is that for the first time in Facebook's history, they have a viable competitor in Google+. Google+ has grown in leaps and bounds since it went public on 20 September. Just this week Google+ crossed the 90 million users mark--something it took Facebook four years to do. And while I know of those who have tried out Google+ and didn't like it, most people I know actually prefer it to Facebook. The reason? It's simple, easy to use, and Google is much more responsive to its users than Facebook ever has been (not only are the Google employees on the site who can answer your questions, but they have handy a feedback link right there in plain sight). I do not think it is much of a stretch for me to say that if Facebook goes forward with Timeline, they might find users fleeing Facebook for Google+, much the same way users fled MySpace for Facebook years ago.

That having been said, I do not think it is too late for Facebook. They have back pedalled on changes they have made before (the aforementioned change to the News Feed). And as much as I have complained about Facebook in the past, it remains a very useful site that is superior to all of its competitors except Google+. If Facebook called off making Timeline mandatory for everyone now and if they gave those already with Timeline the choice of returning to the old profile, I think they could save themselves. Sadly, I do not think that is going to happen, as Facebook has a long history of ignoring user complaints to simply do what it wants. If that is the case and Facebook does not back pedal on Timeline in the months after making it mandatory, we might well be talking about Facebook a year from now the way we talk bout MySpace now.

The Book Of Mormon

Our tiny, 700 sq. ft. cottage in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle was a maze of walkways, with a few steps down & a few steps up, & covered walkways & several gates to maneuver before arriving at the front door.

One splendid summer afternoon in 1987, with temperatures in the 80s, I had every door & window wide open. I had the music cranked up to the limits. I was having a lovely time: singular, stoned & sublime of spirit.

I was listening to my beloved Eurythmics. There was much dog barking as I made my way to the first gate, where a pair of rather good looking Mormon missionaries, in black slacks & white shirts buttoned to the top button, stood & smiled as Annie Lennox & Dave Stewart were blasting out Missionary Man. I smiled & greeted them with the news that they were most certainly at the wrong address. I did compliment them on their perfect teeth as the lyrics to the song reminded us not to mess with the missionary man.

This would not be the only time in my in my life that I would scare away someone with my bare presence & music choice.

Well I was born an original sinner

I was born from original sin

& if I had a dollar bill
 For all the things I've done

There'd be a mountain of money
 Piled up to my chin

My mother told me good,

My mother told me strong

She said, "Be true to yourself
 & you can't go wrong"

But there's just one thing
 That you must understand

You can fool with your brother

But don't mess with a missionary man

Don't mess with a missionary man

Don't mess with a missionary man

Don't mess with a missionary man

Oh, the missionary man,

He's got God on his side

He's got the saints & apostles
 Backin' up from behind

Black eyed looks from those Bible books

He's a man with a mission,
 Got a serious mind

There was a woman in the jungle

& a monkey on a tree

The missionary man he was followin' me

He said:
 "Stop what you're doin',
 Get down upon your knees

I've a message for you that you better believe"

Believe, believe, believe, believe

Believe, believe, believe, believe
Believe, believe, believe, believe
Believe, believe, believe, believe
Believe, believe, believe, believe

Well I was born an original sinner
I was born from original sin
& if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done
There'd be a mountain of money

Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money
Money, money, money, money

No, don't mess with him
 No, no
Oh baby
Don't mess with a missionary man
Oh, Please
Don't you mess with him
 Don't you mess with a that man
He's a missonary man!
Stewart & Lennox
1986

Sorry for the ad!

I Will Survive

After reading that Mitt Romney had his scientist/atheist father-in-law baptised as a Mormon after he was dead, I have become restless, sleepless & hapless with the possibility that this could happen to me. I can't shake the paranoia.

You, my dear readers of my little spot on the Internet, are as close as I have to family. I am the only son of an only son. I am the end of the line. So, I am begging you to not let this happen to me. Don't convert me after I have left my body. Do not make me wear special underwear in the next incarnation.

I am leaving a few instructions & I am counting on you to see this through:
1. I do not wish to be buried or cremated. I want my body to go to a University where I will have scientists questioning my brain & penis size & how they relate.
2. In my obituary, mention that I enjoyed unprecedented success as an actor, singer, horticulturalist, writer, & lover. Claim that I won an Emmy, Grammy, Tony, Oscar, Pulitzer. Claim that I had the #1 album- Jock Straps & Vicodin, for 113 weeks.
2. Publish that although it has been noted that I was a perfect partner & spouse to one man for 50+ years, that I also had passionate affairs with: Gary Cooper, Cary Grant, Kurt Russell, Robert Conrad, Paul Newman, Twiggy, Alan Bates, Jack Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Lawrence Olivier, Marlon Brando, Steve McQueen, Sean Connery. Joe Dellesandro, James Dean, Warren Beatty, Sting, Jon Hamm, James Franco, Seal, Daniel Craig, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Taye Diggs, Hugh Jackman, Nancy Walker, Sidney Poitier, The Queen Mother & Cher... & yet never have had a sexually transmitted disease.
3. I insist that there be no funeral, but a memorial service would be acceptable, & a party would be preferred. I have a list of 10 songs that I want played at my party/memorial service:
If I Had A Boat- Lyle Lovett
Fly Me To The Moon (In Other Words)- Frank Sinatra
Beyond The Sea- Bobby Darrin
Every Breath You Take- The Police
Waters Of March- Art Garfunkel
Once In A Lifetime- Talking Heads
Don't Cry For Me Argentina- Patti Lupone
Something Good- Julie Andrews & Christopher Plummer
God Only Knows- The Beach Boys
I Will Survive- Gloria Gaynor

Your Host circa 1992

At first I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

Without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights

Thinking how you did me wrong

& I grew strong

& I learned how to get along

& so you're back

From outer space

I just walked in to find you here

With that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

You'd be back to bother me

Go on now ,go walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down & die?

Oh no, not I

I will survive

As long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

& I'll survive

I will survive

It took all the strength I had

Not to fall apart

Kept trying hard to mend

The pieces of my broken heart

& I spent oh so many nights

Just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry

But now I hold my head up high

& you see me

Somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person

Still in love with you

& so you felt like dropping in

& just expect me to be free

But now I'm saving all my loving

For someone who's loving me

Go on now go walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down & die?

Oh no, not I

I will survive

As long as i know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

& I'll survive

I will survive

Go on now go, walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down & die?

Oh no, not I

I will survive

As long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

& I'll survive

I will survive

I will survive!
Perrin & Fekaris
1978