One-sentence reviews of ten random songs that came on my iPod

I am sitting here in the school library, staring at the five whole free periods stretching ahead of me, wondering why I can't get it into my heart to actually do some work. I know I have a lot of work to do - to be precise, an eight-page sheet to read and annotate, an essay to write on Hamlet's death imagery, two articles to research, a commentary to write, about ten books to read and research, a first draft of a 3000 word History dissertation that I'm meant to have spent the past three weeks researching (I haven't), preparatory study for a similar-length English language essay and, I'm sure, several other pieces of work. So I have a lot to be getting on with. I'd better get cracking.

Hey look some kids with weird-coloured blazers just came into the library. Losers.
So as you can see, I am a busy man. Yet I am taking time out of my supposedly-packed schedule to write a post on my blog reviewing songs that randomly came onto my iPod. omg im a REBEL for misusin library resources!!1!!1!1!1!1!!!1!!;LKZSJFA;SLKDJ. I should go organise a coup or something.

Why do I do this? Why do I waste my time blogging like this? No, seriously, it's an actual question. I'm asking you people; there's literally no point to my bloggage and nobody except crack addicts and perverts comment on here any more. And MYSADDO, my no.1 commenter, who is actually a crack addicted pervert dragqueen. But I digress.

...

Here are some one-sentence reviews of ten random songs that came onto my iPod while I was typing this. Now, just to warn you, I have about 2200 songs so there is a LOT of crap on my iPod. Every time I turn it on a song starts playing and I'm like "What the fuck is this shit?". I listen to it and I realise that I must just be downloading random shit in my sleep, otherwise what other explanation is there for me having SIOUXIE AND THE BANSHEES on myPod? It beggars belief.
Just to paint a wider picture, my iPod tends to freeze every other song, necessitating me to kickstart it by banging it on the desk (no shit, thats the only way to start it up again), and cause the librarians to glare at me in the charming 'we resent you for still having youth and humanity' way. So far they have not made a move to silence me, but who knows when that'll end? One day the iPod will freeze and I'll bang it against the desk and suddenly BLAM they'll leap from their perches as one and rip me limb from motherfucking limb with their talonous razor-claws. My headphones are also a bit screwy so if I move my head they cut out and the sound splutters and dies. But you don't mind about that.

Ready?

HOLD ON TIGHT PEOPLE OH MY GOD HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Song 1: Hounds of Love by The Futureheads
Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, my earphones just died; no sound comes out of them, except for a few half-second bursts of noise. I mean, they WILL work, but only if I turn my head at a 45 degree angle to my shoulders. This hurts my neck and makes me resemble Steven Hawkings. MUST EXTERMINATE MANKIND. Heh. Crazy little cripply man.
Nuts to this. Abort abort abort.

I'm sorry to let you down but this post is OVER. If you were expecting some pithy comment about the music industry, I am sorry to disappoint you. Let me just condense what I was going to write: Jews and Queers. Make of that what you will. The rest of the post you'll just have to imagine, but trust me it would have been hilarious. I'm laughing just thinking about it! Although, to be honest, I would probably have gotten bored halfway through and, after writing great long essays about the first few songs (Although how much can you write about the Futureheads? They're pretty shit, all told), would have had four or five songs in the middle with one word descriptions. ie:

Song 4: Numb/Encore by Linkin Park/Jay-Z
Shit.
Song 5: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Whiny shit.
Song 6: Eleanor Put Your Boots On by Franz Ferdinand
Fuck off.
Song 7: American Idiot by Green Day
NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN.

You get the idea.

I might post again on Thursday if, by the divine will of God, I manage to pass my driving test.
Never happen. I failed the last one for 'Gears'. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU FAIL FOR GEARS. How does 'gears' constitute a seriously dangerous breach of driving standards? I mean its not like I bunny hopped down the road and nearly took down an old lady; there was ONE lurch. Plus the instructor was weird; he has a little moustache (you all know my opinon of men with moustaches - not to be trusted) and sounded really bored. "Turn leeeeeeeeft. Turn riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Now stop in this woods so I can molest you." Oh yeah I'm pretty sure he was a paedophile. That would explain why he failed me; I refused to dress up in a PVC boyscout uniform and goatse myself for his viewing pleasure.

Plus I nearly rear-ended a car while pulling up to a junction. But that was only at like 2mph, it would have been a slight bump at BEST, and I was fully in control. I just chose to break a bit later than he would have wanted. Twat.

More soon (unlikely).

This post took an entire lesson and a half to write. I could have spent the time so much more fruitfully.