Craplist.

Well. My time at the house of Sara(h)s is coming to an end. Sad face. Sarah has fallen in love with a man and it's all been downhill from there! Really though, I'm happy for her engagement, but sadly it means I am now looking for a place of my own. Or perhaps a place with roommates. But either way I've been looking.

Naturally I turned to Craigslist to get this apartment hunting party started.

Let's explore my options, shall we?

Option 1:

FURNISHED ROOM

Date: 2011-06-06, 9:41PM
Need something close to CSUB ?? OR ? 99 / 58 / STOCKDALE

we have a nice little house, area is fine, neighbors are great. 3 bedroom 1 bath . large yard ,driveway enough for 4 cars.

We are cool/ normal. My wife and I own a business in town and our housemates all go to school and work..

wE bbq, socialize and even the occasional Beer pong Tournemant have happened here ,..of course I win every time

you would have your own furnished room all utilities included ,park anywhere you like. we'll offer one person the garage if you show up w/ the beamer..lol

We're not partyers as there are two very cool little kids living here , BUT when the day is over we do like a cold beer and occasional 420!

you must either have a job or be a student or doing SOMETHING with your life other than being a couch potato! To be considered here Room is $350. plus deposit - month to month - all utilities included !!!

There are many un mentioned "perks" to living here - check us out !

No Pets. email or call or text

805 436 nine 5 15

EUROPEANS ENCOURAGED TO APPLY - WE SPEAK POLISH, RUSSIAN, AND SOME SPANISH

To the woman who scooped up the author of this post let me just say to you - well done. A local business owner who is multi-lingual, knows how to barbecue and socialize, all while being a beer pong champion...hot dawg. Men like that most certainly do not stay single for long. But, I guess it's true what they say about having your cake and eating it too. What you gain in a man who knows how to appreciate a fine European and some weed you lose in his ability to make rent.

At least you get to enjoy the perks of a sweet 3 bed, 1 bath house. It sounds like we could really have some fun with your husband, your housemates, your two kids, and potentially myself. My only concern is about how long that line is going to be when we're all waiting to use the lone toilet after that beer pong tourney. Yeah it's only $350 per month in rent, but how much are those bladder infections going to cost me?

I must be honest. I am not comfortable with your use of the word "perks" here. Also, I'm not sure what kind of code was being sent with that phone number. It looks like you're really really wanting a European and, well, I'm more Asian-looking. I don't think it's in the cards for us this time. Hopefully we can still be friends and socialize with some barbecue some time soon.

Option 2:

SINGLE WOMAN HOUSING + JOB OPPORTUNITY

Date: 2011-05-16, 8:23AM
Housing AND job opportunity for single females

We are looking at interviewing a few females for our new housing and job opportunity program.

In the downtown bakersfield area, a warehouse will be converted for few womans to live at...and work at the same area.

job opportunity - you will be trained in a vocational skill that we feel matches you, and educated on many other skills both personal and otherwise to help you in life. after you learn a skill, you then can start to work and earn some money.

housing - your housing will cost you some money per month but a reduced amount, so you will need to demonstrate that you have some income coming in to make the small monthly payments.

housing - currently, this will be a female only housing. yes single moms with child(s) will be considered but not couples at this time. no pets


To apply for this housing and job opportunity - email information about yourself with contact info to intlartist@gmailcom

make sure to include your current living situation, your income and source per month, and a little resume about yourself.

an interview will be followed up

thank you
Berry

I'm curious if Berry is a new spin on the classic Barry or if it's some strange, fruity, stripper name. I guess it doesn't really matter because Berry knows what I like. Being employed and one dollar rent.

I can't believe there is a place where females like myself can learn personal job skills that match my personality. Whoa! Finally. I can only imagine the options they'll have for me. Professional mustache knitting? Mermaid costume decorating? Reba McEntire impersonating? Will I finally be able to pursue my magic full-time?

This almost sounds too good to be true. Who'd have thought a girl like me would have the opportunity to live in a converted warehouse, practically for free, while earning money using skills that will help me in life. You're the man (woman?), Berry! Thank you, Craigslist!

Option 3:

Room for rent, 3bdrm house, first months rent moves you in now

Date: 2011-05-27, 1:38PM
Come live in this big ass house with some cool guys and some guy's girlfriend and a dog. We got a washer and dryer, plenty of room to relax, big bathroom, your own parking space in the driveway, the fastest internet available, front yard back yard and garage, lots of video games and movies, its a good place to chill. youll get your own bedroom and access to all these things for first months rent and a good interview. call sam and you can come kick it a while, see the room and meet your roommates. were all ages 20-23 and 420 friendly.

Mr. Optimism! You make living with some guy's girlfriend and a dog sound downright delightful. Fastest internet available? Color me impressed. I'm curious what the downside to this house is. The video games are all Sega? The movies are all Tyler Perry? The roommates start to get un-chill around 4:19?


This is only the beginning, friends. Stay tuned for part two of adventures in Craigslist.....when things get personal!