Between a Bullet and a Beeber.

Holy moley, my babies! Long time no blog. I'm sorry for neglecting you so.

I have several things to share with you today so we're just going to crank this one out random bullet points style. Here's the happs in no particular order.

• You people never cease to amaze me. I keep getting a pretty decent number of blog views each week even though its been nearly a month since I last posted. I've passed the 1,000 views mark. Color me happy!

• Speaking of excited, you may or may not have heard the news on facebook but I will announce it here too. I have a fan/fans (wishing and hoping) from the Arab nations! Oh sweet Oprah I'm excited. I'd like to take a moment to address my homies....What's up? How are you? Do you have a best friend? In order to avoid appearing racist (although this entire bullet point is questionable) or sexist I like to imagine your name is Pat. Keep it real, Pat. I like you. Oh....and this is for you.

• This little nugget is mostly for Dawn Beber but I will share with you also. We Jamba Juice'd on Friday and watched birds fight over crumbs and try to build a nest in the Jamba sign. Dawn was wishing she had a glue gun, you know, so she could help out. When I finally got into work my friend pointed out this huge dust print on the window where a bird (I think it was an owl) had crashed into the window. You could perfectly see everything...the wings, the details of the feathers, the surprised expression on its face. It was awesome/awful. I'm sure it stunned the bird and then it plummeted to its unfortunate death. I try to forget that part. I just imagine this bird felt like high-fiving the window so it would be a Friday treat for us all. God bless us everyone. It made me happy.

• Here's another confession of what an awful human being I am....Someone left their grandma sleeping in the car in the Borders parking lot and I lost my crap.
• Lost my crap in a good way, obvs. I laughed so hard I was afraid I'd wake her up. Who's the bigger jerk here...the family who left her or me for finding it so hilarious? It doesn't offend me if you think it's me. Chances are if you're reading this you've already made peace with that reality. I just had so many questions for her. Does she know she's in a book store parking lot? Does she know her family is gone? Is she pretending to be asleep because she doesn't want to talk to the crazy person staring in her window laughing at her? How long has she been here? Did someone crack a window?

• I finally finished the world's most painfully unfunny comedic memoir. It could have been funny if David Cross had moved on after his chapter about how much he hates people of faith but unfortunately it occupied far too much of his book. Did you guys know the God I pray to is invisible? It's cause I'm so unintelligent. Maybe if I was smarter I'd realize how narrow minded it is for me to think there may be more to this world, this universe even, than what I can see. That the bible I read and the Christ that died for me is full of hate and encourages war. Yep. Our great commision...after that part about loving people in all nations and sharing God's peace....is about blowing up abortion clinics and hating gays. Yep! Hilarious!

• On to better books. I started reading Tina Fey's book this afternoon and was laughing so hard in Starbucks I had to leave. I was getting eyeballs from everyone thinking I was crazy and/or dangerous. I'm learning the Fey and I have much in common. Like the fact that our early twenties were/are both spent as "achievement-oriented, drug-free, adult virgins." She thanks her dad and her child sized colonial lady outfit. I guess I'd have to thank my love of magic tricks, the little mermaid, and that diarrhea feeling I get when I talk to boys.
  

• Before I had to leave Starbucks I did get a sweet little nugget of awesome. I was in one of two comfy chairs they had. A dude...a young, seemingly non-creepy one at that...asked if he could take the other one. Sure. Why not? He then pulled out his book "Radical Ecstasy" that depicted a woman on the cover with a beam of light shooting out of her body from a place that I can assure you I've never experienced a beam of light from. I blushed. Then giggled. Then fidgeted nervously for several minutes before he got up and went outside. Playing it cool fail. Way to go, Beeb.
  

• A trip to Barnes & Noble and a baby name book revealed that my sister Hannah and I should be nicknamed Sadie and Nina. We dropped our existing names instantly. I wonder if it breaks my mother's heart how quickly we were willing to part ways. Here's how we felt about it.

My sister looks so pretty in this pic! I, on the other hand, look like I've just returned from the mountains of Kernville. Which was the case.

• I'm excited about some upcoming events. Easter. Always my fave. And Meghan's baby shower. I'm looking forward to laying some beat down on some ladies in bunco. Get ready. I should also mention that I went the world's cutest first birthday party for sweet little Hezekiah today. It was cuteness overload! My dear friend Heather is too creative for me to handle. Plus she made a chocolate peanut butter cupcake that made me want to punch someone in the face just for a second one. Delightful.

• This song strikes a nerve for me. It makes me so crazy emotional. I've listened to it about a thousand times in the last couple weeks.

I think you are officially caught up.