Inappropriate Comments About Fake Raptures.

Well, the world didn't end yesterday. I'm sorry if this disappoints you. More sorry if you actually believed it was going to happen.

I know it just sounds like bragging, but I totally knew how this would end. Not because I have any insider knowledge....I just know Jesus. And he assures us that no one knows when that business is going to down. It could be today, could be a thousand years from today. I just know it definitely wasn't yesterday.

But. Aside from my knowledge of Jesus and Revelation, I kind of had some doubts about Harold Camping.

Let's start with the fact that this was all revealed to him through a mathematical equation. HC is 89 years old. Have you ever met an 89 year old mathlete? Negative. Call me when the 16 year old Asian kid with the Yale scholarship starts doing math. That's when I'll perk up. Until then you're gonna get a lot of smiles and nods when you start getting all Good Will Hunting on me.

Apparently he solved the equation for the proper way to draw snowflakes.

I know I sound like an ageist. I'm not. I love old people. If you're 89+ this is for you:

Hey there. I like sugar-free candy too.

Secondly, you lost me with the time table. My thought process kind of went like this...

Claim: Jesus is coming.

Me: I already knew that.

Claim: It'll be May 21st, 2011.

Me: Suspect.

Claim: At 6:00.

Me: Am or Pm?

Claim: Pm.

Me: But it's different all over the wo--

Claim: Its rolls from time zone to time zone just like the new year.

Me: Ah. No more doubts about your full-of-crapness.

Sorry, Harry. You're no wizard and I'm no fool. The rapture will not require call times.

But in all seriousness....I am sad for these people. Sad for misled followers with desperate hopes who sincerely believed this. Sad for Harold Camping and his reasons for what he does. Sad you're stuck on earth like the rest of us losers.

Look on the bright side, now you get to watch Oprah's finale show! You didn't want to miss that one, did you?