Unfortunate Logo Of The Month

Spotted in New Jersey, a logo for the Maplewood Makos swimming team makes them look either like melting soft serve or a pile of poo.

Aquarium Baby Float

Baby float. Baby float cuz baby want to float, not because some marketing team decided that baby needs to be introduced to water. Baby knows what water is, dumbasses– baby drinks that shit in formula all the fuckin' time.

And you know what? Baby float whether you install a new reinforced safety seat or not. Baby could give a shit. Safety seat is unnecessary precaution. We all gotta die someday. Baby float.

"Built-in aquarium?!" What the shit for? Baby already in water. Baby float in water with plenty to look at. Baby don't need to look INSIDE float to see water. Why the shit would baby want to do that? My First Corporation marketing team is fucked in the head.

Baby think the My First Corporation ad executives are starting to worry about their jobs due to lagging economy. Executives invent new dumb bullshit to justify their startlingly high paychecks- justify their long meetings and expensive lunches.

Listen, baby float. Baby only want float and baby don't appreciate gilding the lily. Gilding the float. Whatever. Baby don't need introduction to water, reinforced safety seat or built-in aquarium. Baby just need float.

Baby out.

Racist Furnace?

I got some junk mail from PSE&G the other day, and this guy was in the envelope:


To you faithful EADJ readers(ha!), you might recognize this sassy furnace from "Racist Appliances," one of our regular features.


We're still undecided whether we want to convert this into a new segment, "Relaxed Racist Furnace," but we'll let you know if it pans out.

curled pages

Summertime reading tips. Don't leave your book open under the crape myrtle tree - tons of little pink flowers will line the crease.

Wear sunscreen while reading and do move about or else you'll have odd tan lines.

Don't read anything too serious - like economics, politics, or religion - it's steamy enough outside. You don't want to get hot under the collar.

Laying your magazine or paperback on your lap after just getting out of the pool results in curled pages.

Be mindful of chair placement and sprinkler timing.

Watch for any kids or husbands who thinks it's hysterical to tip your raft. Save the book - practice reaching high over your head. Stretch those arms. That pilates and yoga this winter did help.

Try to NOT spill your margarita or drip mustard from that hotdog you grilled and are now consuming. Wipe those cheetos fingers.

Have fun, but follow safe reading practices.

Joanne