So, What Did We Think Of "Dragons II: Metal Ages, The Movie" In Comparison To All The Other Crappy Movies We've Watched?

Well, it wasn't original by any stretch of the imagination. Very average storyline. Animation sucked pretty badly, and the voice acting was decent but not memorable. Very forgettable but not offensively bad. For that reason we drop it somewhere in the middle between "The Man From Button Willow" (another example of lazy animation) and "Intimate Agony," the melodramatic PSA on herpes, which now that I think about it, should really be more towards the top of the heap of this spectrum for its sheer hilarity.

Now, what movie was I talking about? You SEE?

We Meet Again, JOTB

So this morning I was downloading soundtracks from one of my favorite illegal websites, when I happened upon a title that still makes me cringe:







Both of you who follow EADJ on a regular basis might remember a movie with this title was reviewed in a 2009 Crappinema and has so far been considered the very worst movie of all the shitty movies we've reviewed.



But what's different here on this soundtrack is that it's an animated children's movie. And it's in 3-D!







The YouTube page for the trailer bills "Jock Of The Bushveld" as "South Africa's first 3-D Movie!" Wow! That's like Iceland's first bubble tea shop! Or Jamaica's first mortgage finance consulting firm! Where do I queue up?



Regardless of the fact that it's animated or has fancy depth, I'm going to assume this will be as excruciatingly boring as the live action movie I was subject to in 2009. A prospector befriends a dog. The dog dies. 120 min.



There is no way you can make that story last two hours and be enjoyable. And that includes throwing footage of Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood eating penis-shaped popsicles in a cowgirl/cheerleader outfit made of cellophane. Besides, how appropriate for children would that be, really?

YOU NEED TASK CHAIR

HEY PUSSY



GOT A TASK TO DO? GET TASK CHAIR FIRST, BITCH. GET THAT TASK SHIT DONE RIGHT WITH YOUR ASS IN A TASK CHAIR. STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING COCKSUCKER.



IN A TASK CHAIR, YOUR STUPID ASS CAN GET ALL KINDS OF TASKS COMPLETED. LIKE ORGANIZING BILLS- DONE. COUPONS CLIPPED- DONE. ABORTIONS- DONE (NO JUDGMENTS IN TASK CHAIR).



YOUR SMALL PUSSY HEAD WILL FUCKING SPIN WITH ALL THE TASKS YOU WILL HAVE COMPLETED. LIKE LEARNING THE FUTURE PERFECT VERB TENSE WE JUST USED IN THAT LAST SENTENCE. FUCKING SICK, RIGHT? YOU ARE SUCH A PUSSY.



STOP BITCHING OUT AND TASK UP IN A GODDAMNED TASK CHAIR. GET. SHIT. DONE. THAT'S RIGHT, WE DID THAT THING WHERE EVERY WORD ENDED IN A PERIOD. YEAH, WE KNOW THAT'S PLAYED OUT, BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL BEING SUCH A PUSSY? THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT, SQUIRREL.



GET A TASK CHAIR, SON. GET YOUR LIFE TASKS DONE. AND HELL YES, WE MEANT THAT SHIT TO RHYME. ACT LIKE YOU KNOW, PUSSY.