Jigglers in the mist

Today, after lunch, instead of doing the usual revision or, you know, work, I decided instead to do a jigsaw puzzle. A 550 piece Simpson's Jigsaw Puzzle, to be precise. One featuring every Simpson's character ever invented. My accomplice? A little lad called Bertie. Oh yes, I also said that I wasn't going to look at the picture of the box. Or leave the room until the jigsaw was complete.

Us Jiggsaw puzzle doers (Jigglers for short) are a rare breed, half in love with death, living for the brief flash of inspiration that comes from a successful joining of two pieces. The circle of life lives on. Jigsawing is truly a beautiful pastime.

Or so I thought.

What was to follow would stretch me emotionally, physically end mentally, pushimg to to the edge of madness. If a documentary was ever made about my experience, it would probably be an 18. Here's a transcript (time is relative, after the first few hours I lost all track)



12: Thomas and Bertie happily start their Jigging. Thomas works on the large 'The Simpsons' sign, while Bertie starts in the bottom corner.

12.15: Thomas and Bertie start fighting over pieces of puzzle.

1: Thomas gives Bertie some pieces.

1.30: Both Jigglers are working on different parts of the puzzle, neither knowing what the other is doing. Nobody knows how anything fits into the puzzle.

2: Apathy sets in. No pieces are getting put in anywhere. Boredom strikes. Thomas has the genius idea of working from 'the feet up'.

2.03: Bertie loses interest and leaves. Thomas asks Bertie for a drink.

2.04: Bertie refuses. Thomas swears, and gets back to Jiggling.

2.05-3: Thomas steadily works, managing to put absolutely no pieces in whatsoever.

3-5: Thomas begins to despair. Puzzle-Blindness strikes. As does dehydration, hunger and a deathwish. Very few pieces get put in.

5.00: "If Tomorrow Never Comes" plays on the radio. Thomas starts to consider this a serious possibility.

5-6: Thomas slowly works on the puzzle, getting weaker and weaker. Meanwhile, Bertie plays on the Sims, goes upstairs, brakes his phone, and then plays on Metroid for a bit. He loses his temper and flings the controller across the room, then leaves.

6.30: One of the dogs throws up. Both Thomas and Bertie ignore them.

7: Bertie comes back and returns to jiggling, against Thomas's express wishes. Thomas is now paranoid and fiercly protective of the puzzle.

7.15: Parents return from Kingston. Bertie loses interest again and starts watching TV. What's on TV? The Simsons. At this point, Thomas hates the Simpsons with a vengeance. He fiercely repels attempts to help on the puzzle.

7.30: Finally, a breakthrough. Thomas manages to put in all the main picture.

7.35: Thomas realises that there's a fancy border around the outside of the main picture, thats totally repeating. He buries his head in his hands.

7.45: Thomas's mother joins in the puzzling. She shows him 'the proper way to do it' and claims that he knows nothing about puzzling.

7.46: Thomas considers strangling his mother.

7.50: Thomas's mother completes most of the border.

8: Thomas places the last piece in the puzzle. His ordeal over, he crawls upstairs.



I hate puzzling. On the other hand, it's infinitely more fun than the Sims. Now I'm off to kill that SODDING CLOWN.



Today's implement for the destruction of the undead: A jigsaw. Not the puzzle, the power tool. VROOOM.