Wow, that is so shiznitching. Look at the smooth white lines through the INCREDIBLY sexy handprinty background. That reminds me, can people comment if they can see the handprints? Because apparently Casi cannot. She is unable to see the handprints. This means that her eyes do not work properly. And if your eyes don't work properly, do you know what that means? Yes, it means that you are technically retarded. So sorry to rain on your parade, Cassie, but before you leave the house in the future (with your keeper) you'll be contractully obliged to wear kneepads, a bike helmet and a mouthguard. And armbands, in case you fall into a puddle.
Wowee, this new SEXY template has restored my faith in my blog. And, once faith in my blog has been restored, so is my faith in humanity. Which means that I've put down the pills and the hammer and have decided to get back to some SERIOUS blogsomming to make up for the many hours of not doing so that I've put you people through. Call the previous week a 'hiatus' if you will.
Fuck it, here's a list of stuff that's happened to me in the past week. Read it and weep. Or fuck off, I don't care.
- I went to TWO PARTIES! Yeah man, popular or WHAT? I mean, I wasn't specifically invited to either of them, I sort of wandered in with the rest of the crush, BUT I STILL WENT. And I got KIND OF drunk at both. But it was, like, a fun level of drunkeness, as opposed to a 'fall over, knock yourself out on the sofa then drown in a pool of your own vomit/blood mixture' level of drunkeness. There's a fine line between the two, but I feel that this line MUST be drawn.
It seems that the point of many of these parties is for people to show off how superior their houses/gardens are to yours. Those wankers with their big houses. But yeah, I went to some parties. That was FUN. - I just reconfirmed my position as the most Pimp Daddy guy ever. Now, I know you think that I'm pretty Pimp Daddy already, but I managed to surpass myself in the pure Pimp Daddy stakes. Seriously, imagine the most pimping person ever. Then times him by the pimpingness owned by this fellow:
THAT is how pimping I am. Like, woah, steady there, mate, you don't wanna kill us with the pure powers of your Pimp Daddy self, that's what people say when I strut down the street.
I am the Pimp Daddy. Oh yeah. - I started work on what will surely be the most brilliant creative artwork EVER to be seen ever in the entire existence of everness. It's basically this BIG mofoing collage thats about the size of the moon now. That's right, A1. I have cleverly named it 'celebrity', and it consists of lots of celebs with eyes stuck on them. And lots of arms. It's KERRRAZY. And HOT. Of course, what with all this cutting up of magazines, my carpet has become the respository for about, without using hyperbole, a billion shreds of cut up paper. This, added to the 5 shoes, three of which are missing their partners, the twelve socks, the many books, the piles of clothes, the glue, the dvds, and the rest of the groovy bollocks that lives in my space, has led my room to look a bit like Bosnia. You know, full of starving africans. That reminds me...
- I didn't go to Live 8. Fucking Bob Geldof. No, not literally. Sheesh.
- Did I mention that I'm the Pimp Daddy? I am. If you took my Pimpingness and then took the moon, the pimpingness would be bigger. My pimpingness is only matched by Oli G's hair.
- I looked up 'cunt' on Wikipedia. Do you know that it comes from Latin? Which is good, because that means that 'cunt' is like a really OLD swear word, so I'm allowed to say it in front of the Queen. Not sure how my logic works there.
Queen: In honour of your services to being a Pimp Daddy,I herebye dub you Sir...
Me: CUNT! Hey, don't look shocked, that word is older than YOU. It's older than this castle. In fact, the only person that this word is not older than is Paul Mcartney - The Oldest Man In The Word (fun fact: Paul Mcartney is actually 6.8 BILLION year old) Therefore, it's an antique. So stop being sucha woman. - I realised how FIT Cassie is when she's crying. Before anybody gets the wrong impression, I was a bit drunk at that point and, to be honest, if the only time you look FIT is when a watery-salt solution is pouring out of your eye sockets due to the amount of ethanol that you've ingested and your cheeks are red and full of blood, then you're really in a bit of trouble.
- Did I tell you that Resident Evil 4 was the most pimping game ever? It is. There's this bit when you're in the basement and then this MOFO WHO LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF ALIEN jumps in and chases you around in the dark for like five minutes, while you're waiting for a lift. AND HE'S BULLETPROOF AND AND AND its very exciting. Also, our dear friend Chainsaw Eddie comes back again. Have I ever called him Chainsaw Eddie before? Oh well, here's that picture of him again, just so you remember what he looks like:
Scary, eh? - I've spent a good amount of time dressing up, both as a pirate and a ninja, the two most manly things around. The pirate effect was gained by wearing swimming pants, a large white linin shirt, and a high visibility jacket worn by people working on the night shoot of 'V for Vendetta'. A yellow umbrella was added for full pirate effect. I am the only one who thinks that I look vaguely piratish. My mother is worried; what with this and my sudden obsession with creating artwork, she has dubbed me 'eccentric', which I think is WICKED. The ninja effect was gained by tying a black tshirt around my head in such a way that I look like a ninja. How did I learn to do this? TEH INTERNETS, of course. I've decided to go as a ninja to Roxy's party. Fuck the fact that the party is 999 emergency services themed. Ninjas are the emergency services in japan. If somebody's breaking into your house with some scissors, you just dial the ninjas and then twelve of them drop down from the cieling, where they've been waiting for the past week, and kill the bastard. So ninjas are A-OK. And who the fuck has a themed fancy dress party anyway?
And I'm sure some other exciting stuff happened too. But the main thing is that I'm a Pimp Daddy, and THE BLOG IS BACK! Now piss off.
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