You know, I never thought that I'd want them to take boobs OFF the television, but...

There is this tv show on right now about these eight year olds who ARE STILL BREAST FED BY THEIR MOTHERS.
They, like, go up to their mums and pull out the tits then just take a big swig. Then they lie there like huge fat slugs on their mothers' laps, sucking away at those nipples. I mean, on the principle of the thing, I'm not against women getting out their boobs in public and hanging small children off of them. I can see that it could be fun. And if there were fit 15 year old girls doing the breast-sucking, well, I guess that that concept has potential. But it's not like it's even sexy. The mothers have these huge distorted, distended fat veiny udders topped by huge twisted nipples the size of plums and the colour of week old blood blisters. And the children are always FAT. Fat and ugly.

Eugh.

EUGH.

Every time I glance at the TV screen, I see these women and their babies. FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, STOP IT. PUT THE FUCKING THINGS AWAY. YOU ARE NOT 21 ANY MORE, YOUR BOOBS ARE NOT GORGEOUS LITTLE APPLES OF FIRM TENDER WOMANFLESH, THEY ARE GIANT SAINSBURY'S BAGS FULL OF CLOUDY JELLY AND THREE-DAY-OLD SHEEP'S INTESTINES, AND YOUR MILK IS A POISONED AND FETID BILE THAT CONGEALS IN THE STOMACHS OF YOUR FAT LITTLE PIG DARLINGS AND GIVES THEM EXPLOSIVE BOWL-FLUID AND ROTS AWAY THE WALLS OF THEIR SPHINCTERS.

Look, this little cunt child came on. It's crying. "Mum... I want milk!" it says, in its horrible RP accent. It's crying. Shut up, kid. Oh, wait, we've gone to an upper class mother getting out her upper class tit to give her upper class baby a drink of upper-class booby-milk. That's another thing, how come all these women and children are all so bloody rich? They all talk in upper class accents, received pronounciation, and say things like 'darlings' and 'mummy'. They all have names like Prunella and Jasmine and Esquire and things and they all live in massive houses.

This just begs the question: why do poor people not breast feed their children to the age of 8? I'll tell you why: Poor people are not fucking stupid. They don't have the money to waste on some stupid fat brat-child who demands to be breastfed up til puberty. They need the baby to go out and mine coal down the shaft at the age of three. And how many miners still need to be breastfed every twenty minutes or they start crying and shit themselves? A very small percentage, that's what. You can't mine if you're being breastfed: that's what the lower classes have realised and that's why poor babies don't get breastfed long. In fact, in many cases they don't get breastfed at all: the mothers have already sold their breastmilk to United Milk Co for Crack money, and the babies are fed with dust and wasps and the juice you get from crushed earthworms. And the babies have to catch those earthworms themselves or, you know, they just don't eat.
Whereas the stupid fucking rich cunts on this program can just spend time and money bringing up another generation of pussy mummy's boy baby twats who will never survive by themselves in the outside world, so don't go to school, don't have sex, never get a job and won't leave home til the age of 34, and then only to move next door because the mother wants to convert their bedrooms into an S&M dungeon.

Christ on a bike.

And I wish that these fucking women would stop whining on that it's a huge social injustice, and people are more uncomfortable with the female body 'doing a natural thing... feeding our children, raising the next generation', than they are with a fit naked 20 year old jiggling about on page 3.
To this, I have only three responses:

1: Of course I'm more comfortable with the fit naked 20 year old than you, you dried out old milk-harpy. What are you, fucking stupid? You look like the Elephant Man's twin sister, after having her face beaten in with a tyre-iron then plastered over with inch thick makeup. Makeup made of glass and concrete and spiders.
2: Feeding eight year olds at your breast is not natural. By doing so, you are not aiding the survival of the species. The moment your spawn gains the ability to drink cow's milk and eat banana mush, they no longer need your distended hell-teat. Your eight year old can drink cow's milk and can definitely eat banana mush. Hell, perhaps he's advanced to melon mush (better not rush it though, darling Geoffrey-Callum is such a gifted child but, you know, don't wanna push him over the edge... pretty soon he'll be wanting to leave the house without your express permisson). Now STOP IT.
3: The only reason that you're still breastfeeding is because you have a pathetic and obsessive compulsion to stay forever young and to forever be the new-mother to your children. It's a fucking selfish thing to do, and no matter how much you blather on about how your baby 'loves the breast' and how much of a joint activity it is, its just you being an egotistical bitch who refuses to die, and guess what? Your children probably already hate you and they're going to leave home as soon as possible, become very rich selling their story to Jerry Springer, and probably send hitmen to cut off your breasts then beat you over the head with them. And even if that doesn't kill you, guess what? In twenty year's time, you'll probably die of cancer. Or of liver-spots. Or of rheumatism or of a heart attack or whatever the hell it is that old people tend to die of, and at your funeral your children will spit and throw rocks at your coffin because you were a shit parent and you fucked them up in the head by mollycoddling them and by treating them like they were babies and good GOD I hope you all burn in an eternal hell you fucking udder-cows.

Oh, joy. This one udder woman, having realised that little Wayne wasn't going to breastfeed forever, decided to adopt a little Chinese kid to love and ply with milk until he leaves home. I just saw her trying to feed little Ping-Pong of whatever the hell his name was. AND HE REJECTED HER OUTRIGHT. He even started crying then crawled away, possibly to hang himself. Ha HAH, lady, your boobs were rejected by an Asian. Can there be any lower degradation?

In conclusion, I've decided that we need more nice breasts on TV to make up for the ugly ones. In fact, lets just cut out the ugly ones all together.

Well, at least I learnt two things from that show.
1: The average age for weaning in the UK is four years.
2: Sometimes, forced euphanasia is justified. Very justified. Vital, even.