Choice Number One: Paedophiles
Yes, I know that I have already blogged about this before in the awesome, seminal (hee hee) and CLASSIC paedophile post of last year, but hey, I'm getting lazy, and what better subject to repeat myself on than the subject of paedophilia? I also found the best, most horrifyingly sickeningly disturbing site on the subject (No, it's not child porn, it's even worse), so I'd have plenty of fodder. Hey, I might even make an awesome picture, like the last one.
And anyway, men having sex with children is always comic gold, as Maddox ably pointed out in his latest HILARIOUS COMEDY OUTPUT!
NB: I'm being sarcastic. Maddox's last post was shit. A paedophile quiz? What the hell was that? In fact, Maddox's last ten posts have been shit. Now he just goes on about how funny he used to be and the fact that he's writing some crap book that nobody will ever buy. Oh Maddox, what happened to you? You used to be like the Buddha of all bloggers, but now you're just one of those crap gods that nobody cares about, like, that guy with the elephant head, or Allah.
Choice Number Two: My Dissertation on why Maddox is crap now
See above.
Choice Number Three: Me getting into Oxford or Cambridge University
They both want my sexy body. In THIS post, you would get a description of me going to Cambridge University and listening to my iPod, and a rundown of the fact that I have to do extra Oxbridge lessons at school, and I'm the only one in my year planning on doing English. So it will literally just be me and the teacher. And the teacher is not even fit and female and naked. The fit female naked teacher left school a week ago and never returned. SAD SMILEY. :(
Choice Number Four: Literature
I'll discuss some great works of literature, inlcluding Gogol's bizarre work of social commentary and zombies, "The Overcoat" and Faulkner's classic "As I lay dying", featuring the most disturbing five word chapter that I have ever read. I'll also talk about Harry Potter, and will share some of my poetry with the rest of the class. Nobody is going to vote for this one, so hey, I'll throw in some naked pictures of myself too.
Choice Number Five: Another insulting post, this time of a woman who writes erotic fiction on the internet
Basically, there was this woman on the internet who thought it a good idea to cuss my blog. Now, you know me, I'm usually a very laid back guy about criticism. If it's positive criticism, hey, I'm cool with that, G, and if it's negative, well, I just ignore it. But this woman made SEVERAL GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN HER INSULTING OF MY BLOG. And she called me 12. And then I found out that she actually writes online erotic fiction. If anybody is asking for a cuss-down, it's this uppity beeeeyatch.
So the post would basically be five hundred words of me rinsing her. And possibly a picture of a fat woman with the words THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE Photoshopped on top. You know, the usual.
Although this sounds like repetition of the last insulting blog, in my mind it is more like a 'running feature' - I insult people's blogs, they get their friends to come onto my blog and insult ME, I insult their blogs. And so on. Plus, I think I write better when I'm spitefully and relentlessly tearing into somebody else's hard work. GO ME.
Choice Number Six: Soap
You can never get enough soap. Soap!
So there are your options. Choose wisely. If you want, you can debate your case on the comments.
(Pah, like I care. We all know that I'll end up doing all six at some point. We also all know that this post was just an excuse to write something, while really putting absolutely no effort into imagination or, you know, cohesiveness. But hey, you read it all and I win)
Comedy Mohammed No. 9 (golly, you lot are going to LOVE 10):
Literature? Edgar Allen Poe? You get the link? No? Well then, fuck off.
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