Well, for the previous two months, I have had a, how shall we put this, RELAXED view to revision. Not as relaxed as some, I recognise... Roxy... but I've been taking it preeeeeetty easily.
The advised six hours a day?
More like three hours... a week. Ouch.
And it finally happened today. At around 1.56.34 today I was hit by... THE FEAR.
Yes. THE FEAR finally visited my soul. The horrible realisation that the equation of revision time to amount of revision that is vital to be done (to be perfect, it works out as having two days to do half a day's worth of work) has failed to exist. In fact, it looks more like, to me, that I have a weekend to learn a year's worth of work that I had no clue about in the first place.
Yes, ladies and gents, the Core Maths 2 paper is on Monday. And am I fucked? Hahaha, fucked is not the work. I am more fucked than Annabel Chong for that paper. (I wish that there was somebody out there who gets all my cultural references) There's a good THIRD of the paper that I literally have no clue for. I mean, NOTHING. I didn't get it in the lessons, I'm sure as hell not going to suddenly get it now. Here's me in the lesson:
Teacher: And after those fifteen minutes of complicated calculations... solve for y. See?
Me: Whataha? Hubbarah? Huh?
Joe *Who has already written a page and a half of workings* God, SORT IT OUT, you moron. All you do is...
*He talks. I immediately tune him out. I have gotten quite good at this.*
Teacher: Does everyone understand?
Me: Miss! Miss! *waves arm in air*
Teacher: Anyone?
Me: Ooh! Oooh! Over here!
Teacher: Nobody? So you all understand this perfectly? So I don't have to give out this sheet that explains everything really clearly with a series of brightly coloured drawings of naked women?
Me: OVER... HERE! BEHIND THE FAT KOREAN KID! YOU STUPID BINT!
Teacher: No? *Throws the sheets into the furnace*
Me: NOOOOO!
Teacher: Ok, then do Ex. 3 page 8584, questions 1-23 INCLUSIVE.
*I turn to the page and look at the first question*
Question: Work out the binomial radian expansion of (4+piY) squared between the axes and an integrated line of dy/dx cubed m, on the basis that all numbers are irrational and f'(x) = 27X!/84!y, mx inclusive.
Me: Wahaha?
Joe: Finished, Miss.
Me: Joe, can I see yours?
Joe: Sure, because you are the manliest man around. Guess what? Kris's name is Kris. And I can fit my entire hand in.
Me: Yeah, nice. *Looks at Joe's workings* Is that a two?
Joe: No, it's a quork. You do know that we're doing this in log-base twelve, right?
*I look at my workings, which consist of Maths neatly underlined at the top, and a doodle of Steve tearing the head off a hobo. I take another long look at Joe's.*
Joes workings: y= 453% quork binomial x, pascals pyramid 2Cr4= 38 THEREFORE x= 43^-383 and y=i43.
And then I die a little inside.
Oh man. And I also have to learn the entire physics syllabus (and I do mean the entire physics syllabus... damn you, Mr Clarke, you incompetent boob). And the extra Biology and I have NO IDEA what that is. And the extra Chemistry. Fuckwankers, I'm rather screwed.
Oh well, at least my eyes work properly.
What exactly is a radian, and why should I care?
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