I hate this gap. Ever since the gap has appeared, I've had NO comments on any of my posts. No feedback. No visits. This gap is a SHIT. It's a leech. It's attached itself to the life-artery of my blog (its aorta, if you will) and has proceeded to suck happily at the sweet plasmatic fluids. This gap MOCKS ME. I sit here and stare at it angrily, wondering what this gap has planned next for me. I consider blogging, writing something, but, somehow, the words don't come. And it's the fault of those many lines of blank white space. I just get the feeling that, whatever happens, this fucking gap is going to seperate my no doubt HILARIOUS and WITTY post title from the rest of my HILARIOUS and WITTY post. I can't blog properly about anything. Except, it seems, this gap.
But I can't just sit here and write an essay everyday about how much I hate that fucking gap.
Can I?
I mean, I could, but I guess it would get boring. Quite quickly.
So far, I've come up with THREE possible reasons for the current gappyness in the blog:
1: Some Sort of Curse. I don't know, I've spent a lot of time digging in that indian burial ground and opening up ancient egyptian tombs recently. It's not my fault that I discovered an indian burial ground inside an ancient egyptian tomb the other day, and decided to jump around on it, peeing everywhere. And it's certainly not my fault that, in order to get into the tomb, I had to break seven mirrors, drive over a black cat, walk under Every Ladder Ever Made, throw salt at The Most Unlucky Man Ever, and do lots of stuff thats related to 13. Sleep with a 13 year old. A 13 year old whose mother was a witch. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm never going to sleep with anyway. Perhaps that's part of the curse too.
Damn curses. Well, I guess that I can count myself lucky that the worst curse somebody could think to put on me was to have a large gap between the title and the post body. At least I don't look like Bob Geldof.
2: The Template. This is all I can think of... the Holy Template. The template is something I fear, something that I dare only meddle with after having a stiff drink and carefully studying a dictionary of html for a period of no longer than 4 hours. Why do I fear the template? Because the template can turn my blog from a vision of beauty to a hellish pit of HTML DEATH in a matter of seconds. And this is why I fear it. Perhaps I have somehow angered The Template, and this gap is my just punishment.
O Temple, I beg forgiveness. Now remove that gap, you fucking bitch. Or I'll be forced to go in there myself and SORT YOU OUT. For I am one mean son of a bean. And I'm scared of going into the template. You never know what you'll find when you emerge, covered in those little triangles that plague the HTMLing world so. Probably a load of crazy lines and an even bigger gap.
And that's a risk that I'm not willing to take.
3: My computer is just being a bitch. I have a Mac. The internet hates Macs. This is because TEH INTERNET IS TEH SUX0R.
My computer. As you can see, cutting edge... you can see why Microsoft may wish to trip up my progress in the internet by adding random gaps into my computing algorithms. Fucking algorithms. Dijkstra my ass.
If anybody has any idea how to remove that DAMN GAP, please tell me, and I'll marry you. Do it please, for the goodness of the blog. Because this gap is seriously pissing me off. And when I get pissed off... people die. I also turn green and gain some magic stretching purple shorts.
Damn gaps...
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