I hate people

The other day we went to Carre-Four, the big supermarket in Romania. Yes, just the one. Carre-Four (which, literally translated, means 'Carry Four') is like the world's biggest most motherfucking hypermarket. You can buy ANYTHING there, from peas to a slightly different type of peas to new wives. Apparently, going to the Carre-Four is like a big social event in Romania, because every time I go there it's PACKED with excited romanian teenagers, women, men, old people, babies... basically the whole social spectrum.

I hate the Carre-Four with a passion. I don't hate the building itself. The building is relatively inoffensive, as buildings go (unlike that penis shaped building in Paris that's on all the postcards) but it's the PEOPLE that piss me off. Firstly, there are too many of them. Every third person who enters Carre-Four should be shot in the kneecaps. Harsh but fair I think. And people walk as slow as they possibly can JUST to piss me off. It's like "oh look there he comes LETS STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING AISLE GAZINGLY LISTLESSLY AT THE CIELING. And then an old lady drives into the back of my ankle with her trolley. And I'm all 'well I CAN'T MOVE CAN I YOU STUPID BINT' and shes all 'Squigfle flalfa hooralala' and I'm all 'Talk english, you cunt,' and then she rams me with her trolley again, so then I bang the fat fuck with MY trolley and he gets all pissed off so everyone decides to walk extra slow just to piss me off, so I end up detonating the C4 strapped to my chest before I get to the pork section and WE ALL FALL DOWN.

Carre-Four has reminded me how much I hate people. It's not just a specific age group that I hate. I hate the whole selection - young, middle aged, and old alike. All are equal in my new regime of hatred:

Babies
Well, we finally decided that we'd bought enough dried apricots to last the week, so we headed for the checkout. Danny (the man...y) parked us on a nice quick moving queue and we were soon on our way. But then, to my utter SHOCK and HORROR, some stupid woman with a baby strapped to her chest just shoved past us and took our place. This wasn't even subtle, it was just a barefaced stealing of our place. After she'd made her way through, accompanied by my very sternest glare, another dumbass biatch with her sprog stole our place.
It was then that I noticed that this was the queue line for women with babies. This saddened me. Why the fuck are women with babies any more important than the rest of us? Why do they get their own damn queue? Why isn't there a queue for pissed off 16 year olds without babies? If the babies want their own queue lines they can fucking well queue up themselves instead of getting carried everywhere. Fucking babies. If I had my way, every newbown baby would be punted* over one of those rugby posts by some sort of boot/pendulum interfacing machine. The ones that survived got to stay alive. This plan has the added attraction of having more retarded people/people with interesting shaped heads to mock on the street by us bottom-landers.
And people with square heads are always good.

Toddlers
The other day I was at a Chinese restaurant. We felt that the Chinese, being the hard-working little fellas they are, deserve their culture to be patronised by us Brits. So we went to a Chinese restaurant. And there were these two fucking toddlers running around screaming at the top of their voices. And hitting each other with chopsticks. Now if I want to see two little people running around hitting each other with sticks, I go to the circus. Not to the fucking Chinese restaurant. I would've been quite happy to baseball bat the pair of them until they shut their yapping, but instead the waitresses stared at them and made cootchie cootchie coo sounds and were REALLY impressed. Would they have been impressed if I'd run around screaming? No. They'd have had two beefy chinese men to, like, kick my ass with their karate or something.
Fucking toddlers; since when were they so great? All they do is run around and look cute. Somebody should teach them how the world works; you're not going to be allowed to run around screaming, you're going to end up sad and alone and dead AND WE'RE ALL ROTTING BIOLOGICAL MATERIAL.
Somebody should tell THAT to those fucking toddlers. Possibly with a baseball bat.
"And if you are pure in heart and deed, you'll all go to a wonderful place called Heaven. Nah, just joking, you just rot in a hole in the ground."

Teenagers
Now, I'm going to quote myself here:
'Text me if Joe ever nails Emma'
Right? Remember that? Ok. Now if what I've heard is correct, Joe ATTEMPTED to nail Emma and ended up getting dumped by Kris. So that's the end of age of Jis (Possibly opening the way for the glorious era of Koligill, Kaul, Krismas or even - and most probably Kike)... AND NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL ME. There's like some SERIOUS Eastenders drumroll stylie drama there and NOBODY TOLD ME. Do you know how much mockery I missed? I mean I've only managed to tell Joe how shocking it was ONCE. And Kris is all heartbroken and Emma is hated and it's all serious.
Personally, I can see the funny side, but that's just me. I saw the funny side in the tsunami. For example:
How many thai people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Doesn't matter, the power was shorted out and they're all swimming away.
This joke needs work.

Mosquitos
Mosquitos suck. Bite me, will you? Well I just RINSED YOU ON MY BLOG.

19-29 year old women
Well, one 19-29 year old in particular. There's this actress in a tampon commercial that's making the rounds on TV at the moment. She's playing some random girl in a classroom that's half full of men and half of women. And then she's playing with her tampons (or as I've taken to calling them in the past second, vaginavampires) and the prof calls her to the front. Then he thinks that they're sweets and says "I hope you brought enough for the class" because TAMPONS look SOO much like sweets and then she says "well enough for the girls" and then all the prof looks confused as he's a silly man and all the boys in the class look confused as they're silly men and then girls all laugh as they're superior and the other girl laughs and the audience laugh and WE ALL LAUGH BECAUSE IT'S SO SMART.

I hate this woman. Actually I hate this advert, but this is a good enough place to rant.

1: Tampons are not hilarious. They are designed to allow women to stop BITS OF THEIR DISSOLVING GENITALIA soaking their clothes. Woahhhhh... you go girl. You and you're genital cotton wool balls have totally RUINED the SHIT of us men and our constant penii.
2: Women suck.
3: Tampons do not look like sweets. I don't know what kinda sweets YOU eat, Mr Advertmaker, but you're a stupid shitwank.
4: Men are not morons. Without the men, who would the women make pies for? Nobody. Then the women would eat the pies. And would get fat. But due to the lack of menfolk around, they wouldn't bother with the whole 'looking nice' thing and would all end up looking like marshmellows. Then the entire elevator business would close down and WE WOULD ALL DIE as I can't be bothered to end this thought.
5: Women suck.

People who start long posts then can't be bothered to end them, thus breaking the hearts of all the long-term fans.
That would be me. Still, send money.

The only age that does not suck is the age of people about to turn 17 on September the 1st. Oh wait OH MY GOD THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY. HINT. I'm not asking for money or anything, but any used banknotes would be most appreciated.

You can dress up like a sultan in your onion skin HAT.

*I love this word.