Showing posts with label Boba Fett is shorter than a Jawa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boba Fett is shorter than a Jawa. Show all posts

Friday, July 6, 2012

Hey Bayer

Hey Bayer

You don't have to put a legal super on your ads that say "Scientist portrayed by an actor" if you've already cast an actor that is too rugged and good looking to be a scientist.



That guy looks ridiculous. He looks like a lumberjack who stole a lab coat from behind a Clinique make up counter. Hmm, maybe get that guy to tent his fingers while he's talking will make him seem more knowledgable...


Just for your reference for future Bayer ads, here is a photo of real life scientist Dr. Ahmed Chadli, biochemist in the MCG Center for Molecular Chaperones/Radiobiology and Cancer Virology at the Medical College of Georgia. Maybe you could cast him instead of Michael Bolton there.


Also, Bayer, thanks for creating heroin.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Well, This Is Bullshit.


I have devoted my entire life (since I was a youngling!) as a devoted student of the Jedi Order, learning the basics of political strategy, galactic law, the sciences, and multiple languages. My training had been long and exhaustive, from my earliest training at the Jedi Academy on Coruscant to advanced Force techniques on Yavin 4, where I learned Forms I through Form VI of lightsaber combat and was quickly selected by Jedi Knight Satal Keto for one-on-one training, thus avoiding the dreaded Jedi Service Corps by the Council of Reassignment.

I had been a faithful Padawan learner under Master Satal Keto for years, honing my skills, controlling my stronger emotions and training in the ways of the Jedi on long journey-missions with him, often traveling on diplomatic missions.

Master Keto recommended me to the High Council for the Trials of Knighthood, which were very difficult but not impossible, for I had learned much about the Force and was wear the robes of a Jedi Knight. And after some time, I at long last had been knighted by the Council, among whom I was honored to be judged by none other than Master Yoda himself.

So I did achieve Knighthood, but my training did not stop there. I pursued further study as a Consular which led me to the specialized field of Seer. I finally took a Padawan of my own to pass down my wisdom, and only then did I finally gain the true rank of "Jedi Master."

And now that I am one, you mean to tell me all I get is this piece-of-shit four dollar ribbon? You fucking assholes. What a gyp.