Dollar Bill Slot Was Upset.

 

Dollar Bill Slot was upset.

 

Bathroom Sink was surprised to hear it.

And so was Bathroom Sink's brother, Kevin.

 

Parking Lot Light was pretty angry, too.

 

IKEA Wall and White Van were an angry blue pig together.

 

Messenger Bag said nothing and kept eating.

 

Stairway Railing also shut his mouth.

 

Smoke and Carbon Monoxide Alarm, however, was very curious what everyone was so upset about.

 

Saturn Car didn't want to talk about it.

 

Train Bathroom Latch was told to shut up about it.

 

And even though Library Clock kept talking, everyone thought he was just crazy.

 

Children's Hanger tried to look on the bright side of things.

 

While Coat Sleeve insisted there was no bright side.

 

Child Seat Buckle laughed it off.

 

Emergency Light did the sturgeon face.

 

Expensive Dessert stared into space.

 

And meanwhile, Furniture Store Spool wondered about his bloody stools.

 

Wine Rack waited for everyone to shut up.

 

Ash Tray took a smoke break and waited, as well.

 

Suitcase sat there looking like an idiot.

 

(submitted by Tom Weingard)

While Backpack laughed and sat with her legs open like a slut.

Well, This Is Bullshit.

I have devoted my entire life (since I was a youngling!) as a devoted student of the Jedi Order, learning the basics of political strategy, galactic law, the sciences, and multiple languages. My training had been long and exhaustive, from my earliest training at the Jedi Academy on Coruscant to advanced Force techniques on Yavin 4, where I learned Forms I through Form VI of lightsaber combat and was quickly selected by Jedi Knight Satal Keto for one-on-one training, thus avoiding the dreaded Jedi Service Corps by the Council of Reassignment.

I had been a faithful Padawan learner under Master Satal Keto for years, honing my skills, controlling my stronger emotions and training in the ways of the Jedi on long journey-missions with him, often traveling on diplomatic missions.

Master Keto recommended me to the High Council for the Trials of Knighthood, which were very difficult but not impossible, for I had learned much about the Force and was wear the robes of a Jedi Knight. And after some time, I at long last had been knighted by the Council, among whom I was honored to be judged by none other than Master Yoda himself.

So I did achieve Knighthood, but my training did not stop there. I pursued further study as a Consular which led me to the specialized field of Seer. I finally took a Padawan of my own to pass down my wisdom, and only then did I finally gain the true rank of "Jedi Master."

And now that I am one, you mean to tell me all I get is this piece-of-shit four dollar ribbon? You fucking assholes. What a gyp.

New EADJ Segment

From the makers of Waiting Around Balloons,

EATING ICE CREAM ALONE!


EATING ICE CREAM ALONE!


EATING ICE CREAM ALONE!