Words Of Encouragement, For Once

We at EADJ have often been known to break down egos and generally be destructive in anything we ever write or say, but we thought now would be a good time to offer words of encouragement to a random, deserving person. Today, we offer words of encouragement to the random old lady buying Victoria's Secret panties behind my wife:


Yeah, lady. Keep it up. Get those panties. Do what feels right. Don't let anyone tell you you're too old to enjoy a pair of new Very Sexy® Lace-trim Hiphuggers, which are an amazing 3 for $10. Do what you want to do! You're an adult woman– who cares what other people think? Fuck those judgmental assholes!


That's right- buy those panties for yourself! Feel confident and sexy like you should! There is no age limit to feeling fabulous and seductive! Fuck all the haters who think you're too old to enjoy a little lace under that dress. To hell with them! YOU GO, LADY! Buy those naughty undies with the word "PINK" printed on the ass! Exclamation point!

An Answer

Deer Lord

Pictured below, the sweetest jacket I've ever spotted in church:



Only now do I realize how very Christian the Jagermeister logo really is.

An Open Letter To Generations Younger And Older Than Me

Dear Generations Younger And Older Than Me:

What is your problem? All you do is sit there, complaining about the values and behavior of my generation. You say that we're out of touch with your generation's needs and desires, that we can't understand your problems because we don't simply don't care.

Hey, look. We do care, but our generation's got our own problems to deal with, like having and raising kids, keeping down a good-paying job to pay for the mortgage, and trying to find some REAL music on the radio. All you ever do is sit in your bedroom, blaring your godawful music (who listens to that?!) and whining about when dinnertime is coming.

We recognize that there's this generational divide that we'll never get over. We will never understand your stupid pop culture references and your fixation with those movie stars whose names we've never heard of, and frankly, we don't think we're missing out on much.

And what the fuck are you wearing?! Jesus, you need to get to a mall and buy some normal clothes that actually fit you. Just look at how your pants fit. You're embarrassing the rest of the family! And make yourself useful and do the goddamned laundry!

Oh. Also, we don't think you should drive.

Love,
My Generation

I've Never Hated An Object So Much In My Life.

Spotted at a Pottery Barn Kids in an upscale mall: a nonworking Dyson® vacuum that retails for $129.99. Really.


It's a Dyson, so the parents will assume it's quality because of the price and will teach their kids to be blindly faithful to brand names. And it's pink, so you know it's supposed to be for girls. Because women do all the cleaning. Well, the Mexican ones do.


If I ever won the lottery, I'd buy up all of these wretched pieces of shit and smash them under the weight of my angry balls.