Trying To Buy Pornstars Things They Don't Want

I don't need to explain myself to you, but I was recently looking at pornstar Nicole Aniston's Twitter page, and along with the standard New Age horseshit ("My intentions create my reality, and my challenges bring opportunities.") was a quick link to her Amazon Wish List.

Ain't that something? As if having sex on camera for money didn't pay enough, pornstars like Nicole are registering for things they want on Amazon.com so that their fans can buy them everything from electronics to bath mats to Leapfrog software for their kids. And I'm sure fans are happily buying Jenna Jameson the 3-pack of Dickinson's Witch Hazel Formula Towelettes that she's asked for. In short, this whole idea is BLOODY BRILLIANT.

So the natural next step for me was not to buy Nicole Aniston the $200.00 3-speed ceiling fan with walnut blades and bronze detail, but to buy her something that wasn't even on her list, like "Owl Puke, The Book" (used for $1.43) or a 1-lb bag of mung beans for $10.27. You see, nothing is more erotic than confusing the hell out of a pornstar.

The problem is, however, that you aren't allowed to add miscellaneous items to these pornstar's Wish Lists. And Amazon obviously won't share their shipping address to keep weirdos from showing up at their front door with a 1-lb bag of mung beans, so this whole idea has been put on the back burner.

EADJ will continue to diligently investigate how to add unwanted items to pornstar Amazon Wish Lists and will fill you in on any loopholes or exploits that we find in the system. Together, we can make it happen.

The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents Dead Awake

Hoo-boy. Now, I have watched some shitty movies for the EADJ Crappinema before, but this marks the first time I ever watched one of these turds TWICE. The reason for this being that I had the entire write-up for "Dead Awake" ready to go, but I lost my iPod during my commute, and all of the files for that write-up were stored on it. So I took a second bullet for you motherfuckers and watched the dang thing again, taking screenshots and adding my pithy comments, all from square one.

I never recovered that iPod, by the way. Too bad. It had all my Maroon 5 music on it.












The following is the dialogue lifted verbatim from this scene:




Old Man: (indicating yo-yo) He never puts that bloody thing down.





Nick Stahl: It's a sentimental thing. A yo-yo almost always comes back to you… reminds me of the mistakes I've made.




Old Man: Mistakes. We all make mistakes.






Nick Stahl: There's a difference between mistakes and… regrets.





(Old Woman smiles and put her hand on Nick Stahl's arm. Nick Stahl notices her Claddagh ring.)




Old Woman: Decko gave me that. The hands are for friendship, the heart is for love, and the crown is for loyalty.




Nick Stahl: Someone close to me had the same ring. (sighs) And if the heart is pointed inward, it means your heart is taken.




(Old Woman makes kissy face to Old Man.)






Old Man: Shite. They'd better go get me Viagra.















































Overall Grade: F

To help wash out the bad taste from watching this horrible movie TWICE, here is Rose McGowan in her prime: