The ProofrEADJer: July Edition

The most flagrant and frequent violator of typos, however, was an iPhone game called "The End," which reads like it was proofread by a distracted six year old.

And then there was *ahem* this one on Nicole Aniston's website. *Ahem.*

Trying To Buy Pornstars Things They Don't Want

I don't need to explain myself to you, but I was recently looking at pornstar Nicole Aniston's Twitter page, and along with the standard New Age horseshit ("My intentions create my reality, and my challenges bring opportunities.") was a quick link to her Amazon Wish List.

Ain't that something? As if having sex on camera for money didn't pay enough, pornstars like Nicole are registering for things they want on Amazon.com so that their fans can buy them everything from electronics to bath mats to Leapfrog software for their kids. And I'm sure fans are happily buying Jenna Jameson the 3-pack of Dickinson's Witch Hazel Formula Towelettes that she's asked for. In short, this whole idea is BLOODY BRILLIANT.

So the natural next step for me was not to buy Nicole Aniston the $200.00 3-speed ceiling fan with walnut blades and bronze detail, but to buy her something that wasn't even on her list, like "Owl Puke, The Book" (used for $1.43) or a 1-lb bag of mung beans for $10.27. You see, nothing is more erotic than confusing the hell out of a pornstar.

The problem is, however, that you aren't allowed to add miscellaneous items to these pornstar's Wish Lists. And Amazon obviously won't share their shipping address to keep weirdos from showing up at their front door with a 1-lb bag of mung beans, so this whole idea has been put on the back burner.

EADJ will continue to diligently investigate how to add unwanted items to pornstar Amazon Wish Lists and will fill you in on any loopholes or exploits that we find in the system. Together, we can make it happen.

Someone Has Never Learned How To Wrap Up A Letter Properly

Editor's Note: I hesitated to post this entry, but Andrew Gall encouraged me to, and I figured, fuck it.

So I was Googling Penthouse Pet Valentina Vaughn (above) whilst editing yesterday (don't ask), and I came across this gem of a welcome letter on a porn site:


"Thanks?" Talk about an abrupt ending to a letter. Kind of rude of her, really. Get you all hot and bothered, then sign off so casually?


Here now are some other abrupt endings that Ms. Vaughn had used in other welcome letters:

"I need a huge cock to fill my quivering pussy. KTHXBYE!"

"Your moist, sweat-covered balls tickle my asshole. SMELL YA LATER!"

"You tag my ass chicken-wing-style, making me cum like a freight train. SEACREST OUT!"

The Director of "10 Vagina Victories HD" Speaks Out

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Lobsterfest® Is Ruining Your Neighborhood With Its Low Prices and Reeky Lobster Meat

So I'm shitrocked again (after drinking 6 Chang beers), so it must be time to post another Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster:


Lobsterfest® refuses to leave, like a distant relative with nowhere to go who also has the hots for your wife. We here at Red Lobster have served up countless new ways for you to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster, and here are the latest ways we're offering to serve you lobster from our last desperate brainstorming meeting:

• We rub arrows in lobster meat so that each one is glistening with the moist, fragrant juices of lobster broth. We then shoot the arrow directly up into the sky, and you try to catch the arrow in your mouth/face/chest. Once the arrow strikes your body, you're overwhelmed with the feeling of having lived the remainder of your life enjoying some decent crustacean meat. Now that is one of the several ways you can enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We round up everyone in your town who is allergic to shellfish. We then force them into a steel cage right in front of your town hall and literally force each person to eat a footlong lobster roll sandwich. Some of those people will get seriously ill; even a few will die. But you'll notice that we never mentioned anything about pointing guns at them, did you? What a bunch of suckers! Another pointless way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster, your honor.

• You ever watch that cartoon "The Snorks?" See, that's one more way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We repurpose the color copier that we have lying around and start making color copies of lobster meat. Most people don't have the refined enough palate to be able to tell the difference between real lobster meat and sheets of paper, so we'll make an absolute MINT, Cory! Is that an inethical way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster? Fuck your mother, Cory.

• We truck in patients from a nearby hospital with chronic bowel syndrome. Before they can shit their pants, we heap platters of delicious lobster meat on the table in front of them. Then, their physical desire to blow shit out their ass is effectively COUNTERED by their desire to gobble up all our scrumptious meat! Now you cannot tell me that that is not a way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster.

• Over time, we hypnotize and condition you into thinking the word "gold" actually means "lobster." Then we take you to Las Vegas, where you're confronted with a bunch of pawn shops offering "CASH FOR GOLD." You desperately come to our restaurant and order as much lobster meat as you can so that you can try to hock that meat for cash. You fail miserably and die alone. A tragic but somehow hilarious way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!