Firstly, they take up valuable space, which could be better filled with statues to me.
Secondly, they eat all our food and sit on all our pets/children.
Thirdly, they act like it's 'ok' to be fat. IT ISN'T OK TO BE FAT. YOU ARE NOT CURVACIOUS AND SEXY AND APPEALIING. YOU ARE FAT AND UGLY AND ARE FORCING ME TO TYPE IN CAPITALS. And stop saying that you are 'real women'. So what are thin people... fake? Are we made of carboard? Pwaharh.
Also, all the time they don't spend going on about how happy they are that they're fat, they whinge about how all the thin people are anorexic nazi fasion obessed bigots. Yeah, well I'm sure that thin people look anorexic compared to you, lardo. It's just the laws of comparison. Hell, green probably looks red when compared to BLACK.
Being the mean bastard I am, I immediately decided to check out the Weightwatchers Website, with the sole intention of making fun of the lardos who post there. Hey, that makes me think. How did they manage to type proper words without sounding like me typing with my fist? Perhaps they use special dialing wands (a la The Simpsons). OR PERHAPS FAT PEOPLE HAVE LARDO SIZED KEYBOARDS. The buttons are the size of bricks. Hmm. But anyway, on with the insulting of the fat.
Yopamhere says: Does anyone know if nutritional yeast is allowed on the Core program? I put it on popcorn instead of butter but now I'm wondering if there could be a problem with my method.
Well FORGIVE ME IF I'M WRONG, but if you're trying to lose weight wouldn't it be a GREAT idea if you CUT OUT the buttered popcorn and snacks of the sort, PAM? And what sort of retarded posting name is 'yo, Pam here'. You are not a DJ. Well, you might be. I doubt it though.
Amy says: I don't know why I did it again.. this morning I started the day off good.. with soy milk and cereal.. tuna fish and an apple for lunch.. and then I went insane and binge ate the rest of the day.. What is wrong with me.. all I can do it set myself up to do better tomarrow
Shut up Amy, I don't care.
tfalkner says: I had a small list of goals for myself when I started.
1. Ride a roller coaster with my son
2. Draw my knees up to my chest
3. Have my thighs rub together
I know that # 3 sounds strange because this is what most people DON'T like. But for me, my thighs were so big that they didn't rub, they stuck!
Today, I went to walk up the stairs and my thighs rubbed together. I was so proud but didn't have anyone that I could tell!
Hahahhahahhahahha. Hahahhahahhahahaa. Hahahhahahhahaahaa. Wait, why is she having a problem with riding the roller coaster? I don't get it... if she falls out she's going to bounce, anyway. Or spat. Ooh, that could be nasty. Well, I guess they could harpoon her into the seat. Or something. I don't know, watch Moby Dick.
And I haven't even mentioned the thighs thing. But really, it's too easy. Just insert the insulting comments yourself.
At this point, I lose interest. Ah, well, here's the obligitary bit of Photoshop goodness. It's my idea for a weight-loss system that will DEFINITELY work in the long run.
Silly exercises? No.
Complicated diets? No.
Points counting? No.
Lots of congratulatory back-slapping and blow-job giving for dropping half a pound? Hell no.
My system has none of that bullshit. The Chainsaw Zombie Weight-Loss system relies on a 'carrot and stick' style method. In fact, it's even simpler than that. Two words: Run, fatty.
Now, I know what you're thinking. That guy doesn't really look that fat. Well, I guess I could have photoshopped him to make him look a bit fatter. But have a look at THIS:
That's what he looks like under that rather natty red jacket. The reason that the image is so small is that any bigger would corrupt my blog from a brilliant piece of literature into a slutty whore of internet pornography. Also, it would have corrupted/destroyed the ENTIRE INTERNET. And we wouldn't want that, would we.
In conclusion: If fat people are to be made thin, and therefore non-annoying and quiet, all is needed is to point a gun at them and keep them running until a: they die or b: they get fit enough to outrun the bullets. Either way, the weight gets dropped eventually. Either dropped metaphorically. Or literally. Into a hole.
Wicked. Oh crap, I just realised. This is an internet blog. Who is going to be reading this? Fat people. I just insulted my entire audience. Whoops. Sorry, fatsos. Keep buying the Chainsaw Zombie tshirts! Size XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL is selling well.
An Islamic cow? Moohammed.
One more thing... am I the only one who finds the esure insurance adverts HILARIOUS? The idea of Micheal Winner in a dress is funny. Ah, dear, I'm easily pleased.
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