It's Time To Expand The EADJ Crappinuum

At least I think that's what we call that thing. The EADJ Crappinema Recap Crapline? Whatever. Either way, we've reviewed so many movies on the original spectrum that it's gotten too crowded and impossible to add new entries. Solution: cut it in two places like a piece of broccoli and elongate, allowing more room for more terrible movies!


Yes, now we have plenty of room for the middle of the spectrum, but what if one of the upcoming movies we review is particularly "terrible" or "fucking piss-awful?" Well, my friend, we have allowed plenty of space at either endpoint, so there is still room to add more extremely bad or extremely, extremely bad movies to the chart.

"But does extending the line make the terrible movies more terrible or the fucking piss-awful more pissing fuck-awful?" you might ask. The answer is no, because the continuum has always been and still is a chart of relative values, and there are no actual measurable units assigned to the movies, and the distances between movies represent no particular quantity, either. What are you, a nerd?

Regardless, "Jock Of The Bushveld" still remains the most terrible movie imaginable.


But onto "Unbeatable Harold." Since it had the lazy wrap up resolution of "Playin' For The Kitty" and the non-comedic timing of "Da Station," I parked it right between those two films. You'll see it inhabits the lower end of the Crappinema spectrum, as it should. And to its director: montages are a spice; you should use them sparingly. Otherwise you end up with a mouthful of Mrs. Dash, and nobody wants that.

New York City. The Most Exciting City On Earth

Pictured below, some guy on the train tries to find the end of some thread on a spool.

We Meet Again, JOTB

So this morning I was downloading soundtracks from one of my favorite illegal websites, when I happened upon a title that still makes me cringe:







Both of you who follow EADJ on a regular basis might remember a movie with this title was reviewed in a 2009 Crappinema and has so far been considered the very worst movie of all the shitty movies we've reviewed.



But what's different here on this soundtrack is that it's an animated children's movie. And it's in 3-D!







The YouTube page for the trailer bills "Jock Of The Bushveld" as "South Africa's first 3-D Movie!" Wow! That's like Iceland's first bubble tea shop! Or Jamaica's first mortgage finance consulting firm! Where do I queue up?



Regardless of the fact that it's animated or has fancy depth, I'm going to assume this will be as excruciatingly boring as the live action movie I was subject to in 2009. A prospector befriends a dog. The dog dies. 120 min.



There is no way you can make that story last two hours and be enjoyable. And that includes throwing footage of Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood eating penis-shaped popsicles in a cowgirl/cheerleader outfit made of cellophane. Besides, how appropriate for children would that be, really?