ART

WOAH, DUDE. My Art GCSE - THE ACTUAL ONE - was today. Well, the first half was. I LOVE ART DAYS. Full days of art are so much damn fun. You just sit there and paint. Or stand there and paint. Or (in my case) dance around the table, gayly (not in a homosexual way) dabbing a paintbrush here and there.
Actually, that's not true. I am not a dabber. I am more of a troweler. During art days, I have four different states of being:

a: Pouring out vast amounts of acrylic onto a palette. Then loading up a brush and smearing VAST qualities of the coloured stuff all over the page, cackling internally at my pure evilness.
b: Scribbling over what I've just done with a blunt pencil, rubbing it out, redrawing, madly scribling some more, then painting over that.
c: Losing interest, wanding around, checking out what everyone else is doing. Man, there are some damn talented people in my class. I mean, Tom Green's was AMAZING. Leonardo Da Vinci, step down and piss off, you bearded italian wanker. And Simon's, despite being as dull as fuck (ooh, seed pods... woo.) was good. Well, there are some spackers out there too. Yeah. But I have to say, overall, mine was the most original. Who else did a snail's life story over three panels? Uh, nobody. So fuck you.
d: Staring blankly at what I've just done. Mentally weeping. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I also paint all over my hands and arms. I AM COMPLETELY SMOTHERED IN PAINT. Its so great. And it didn't help that I accidentally knocked the paint palette over my hand. Twice. Ah well, fuck it.

In all of these states, I am singing the same portion of a song over and over again in my head, ad nauseum. This is an extension of the boatie jukebox: The Art Exam Jukebox. Here is the list of songs I was singing:

Singin' In the Rain (Look, I was watching Clockwork Orange the night before, ok?)
The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer- a HELL OF A SONG. Here are the lines I was singing:
Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
Last time I needed twenty stiches,
To sew up the gash, that you made with your lash,
As we dance to the masochism tango!
So yeah, it might have been annoying, and given me a headache, but it sure was HILARIOUS.
Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, also by Tom Lehrer. The title pretty much gives it away.
A Hymn. I don't know which one. You know, it has God in it. ABOUT PILGRIMS. Uh. Who so beset him round, with dismal, uh, yeah. Fuck'em. It was pretty damn Godly.
I'm bored with singing. Why aren't we allowed iPods in the classes? I mean, I don't have one, but I'm sure I could steal Bertie's.

ANYWAY. My final design was to be a sort of snail/triptych dealie, basically concerning the birth/life/death of a snail. It was to be a deep, dark, philosophical work, considering the lifetime higher/lower philosophical aspects and levels of life.
Yeah. Bollocks. This is what I came up with:



Hahahhahaha. Do you like Matt's knees? Wicked beans. And those tasty little socks.
Oh, my picture's crap, isn't it? I think so. Especially as, upon arriving today, I discovered that THE ENTIRE CARDBOARD PAINTING SURFACE had bent. So that it now ACTUALLY STANDS UP BY ITSELF. And there are giant damn fucking arse air bubbles in it, as you can see.

And I forgot to bring my pencil sharpener.
Or a rubber.
Or, indeed, a sharp pencil.
Basically, I forgot everything. Oh well, I still have tomorrow to sort it out.

Thank God.

Zombie killlllller: Evil, Evil Snails of doom.