I'm going off the wheels on the Crazy Train....

Yes, I know. I am already going off my previous doctrine of no song lyrics. But it's my blog, so fuck you. And those lines perfectly sum up how I am feeling right at this second.

Well, first things first. We had our very-important-its-all-been-leading-up-to-this rowing head today. After getting up at a rather godly hour (8? yay) and finding out some good news... (my mother was forcing my still hung-over gimp of a brother to go to school) and hanging out with my seriously cool grandad (no, he actually is... when he found out how drunk little bro' had got he started offering him whiskey and making countless piss-taking jokes) it all seemed to be going well. But then we actually did the race.

I HATE ROWING. I really do. It actually is the most shit hard sport ever. I nearly died. Literally. I saw heaven. It was a bit crap, really. Full of fire and demons in pitchforks. Morons.

During the race, I spat three times at the river. You'd think that I'd be able to hit the fucking river, right? Well, you are WRONG. Here is where I actually hit:

1: My arm,
2: In an amazing piece of aiming, my own face,
3: The guy in front of me's head. He didn't notice. I made a mental note to apologise, and did so later with jelly beans. Actually, he hadn't noticed at all, and so was more annoyed after the aplogy than before, but SCREW YOU.

But seriously, rowing is so bloody hard. When the race (which we did shit on, I predicted) was over, my leg cramped. Seriously, seriously, painful. You girls, you whinge about labour. NOTHING compared to leg-cramps. Lazy twats, all you have to do is sit there and push. I mean, how big can a baby be? Lets do some calculations:

Baby's head: About 7ish centimetres diameter.
Vagina: I don't know... half a metre? Ok, lets be a little more realistic: 35 centimetres diametre. Because it's basically a huge round hole, correct me if I'm wrong. So, with a bit of maths, that works out as a surface area of 962.113 square centimeres, compared to the 38.48 square centimetre area of the baby's head. So using that rational, it would be possible to easily squeeze out 27.9 babies in one go. The 0.9 of the baby is the retarded one that they have to lock in a cage and feed scraps of meat to.
27.9! That's nearly 30 babies. And you bitches whinge about pushing out ONE. Pah. I could do it with my eyes closed.

(Note: I realise that I have probably pissed off about 50% of my HUGE reading audience, with my lame maths and even lamer biology. Good. Stop complaining about labour, I don't care)

Also, some twat stole my shoes, so I was forced to wander around wearing only a pair of sandals with freezing, soaking wet socks (yes, I know, socks and sandals, HUGE fasion no-no, but you're fat, ugly, and have either: {if a girl} no tits or {if a boy} giant sexy tits and I HAD NO SHOES) swearing madly at everybody and ranting. Anyway, who the FUCK steals trainers? I mean, come on. I was about to have a major tantrum, when I found them again. Apparently RSSBC, the cunts, decided to put my shoes in their box and bury it under a huge pile of stuff. So, although they weren't technically STOLEN, it really was. They would have taken the shoes if I hadn't actually spent those hours searching for them. Twats.

So, after all that, how did we do? Well, we came a respectable 5th. Cough-outofsix-cough, and so that was GOOD. No, actually, it wasn't. It was shite-bollocks. But at least everyone did crap. Especially us. So yeah. And my legs hurt, I feel like I am going to melt into a big pile of melted singed flesh. You twats. But at least I won't have to go in that fucking freezing Tideway water for at least another year. And who knows, I could be dead in a year. We can always hope.

ARGH. So picture the scene: I'm exhausted, tired, weary and worn out. And then *bam* my mother tells me she can't pick me up because my little sister apparently also needs to be picked up, and she's more important because she's just a girl. And she's 10. I don't get it. Why would anybody want to kidnap and rape her? Given the choice, I'd kidnap and rape ME. I'm a damn sight more sexy than her, and, due to my poor cramped legs, I wouldn't be able to run as fast, or hide in any rabbit holes. Damn you, mother.

AND to top it all off... here's a list of the homework I need to get done:

A Physics paper
A Chemistry paper (A WHOLE ONE... I hate Chemistry... it's like leprosy in a jar)
A MASSIVE chunk of Spanish Translation about Frankenstein. FRANKENSTEIN? Why? I don't KNOW.
About 20 pages of Art. I am so bored of fucking snails. Not literally of course, that would be sick. I wonder if there are any internet sites including snail pornography? A quick google search reveals 66,500 pages featuring snail pornography. So, yeah, a lot of perverts out there.
A load of Biology reading
A pile of French oral work... eugh

And I have already had two detentions (IN ONE DAY! Wicked beans) this half term, so I can't get another, or it will be a Saturday for me. Arghrharlkjsadf.

Nuts to this.

Zombie Killer; An oar, known technically as a 'blade'