For those who don't know... you're a fucking moron. Squares is one of the best - nay - THE best games experiance to grace this fair world. Its better than SEX. Hell, its better than FOOD. I have known starving African children to choose a good game of squares above a four course meal. True.
Shit, man. So, yeah, the Annual (I wish it could be more often but, damn, there's only too much awesomeness one man can take before his penis falls off) Squares tournament got kicked off today. Here are the rules:
1: We're playing Swiss Rules Squares. None of those German or... fucking hell... Latvian varieties. I mean, they have their good points (I especially like the way that a twisted-pyramid can be partially alleviated with a rectangle block in German rules) but, really, Swiss Rules is the only one to have properly implemented rules for rectangles and cuboid squares, which are, in my humble opinion, one of the integral parts of a good game of Squares.
2: The tournament is to World Cup standard; that is, a standard bipartate tournament system, with rankage based on a points and tally system.
3: An added rule from last year: backward maneuvers and double squares are COMPLETELY FORBIDDEN. We all know what happened last year after a certain someone *looks sternly in the direction of Joe* tried to double a pyramid square, and ended up ruining a three hour long game. Shit, man, the rubric infringements were just abysmal.
4: Each player has the following apparatus: Pen/writing implement, a Squareman's glove, A Radian-enabled calculator and a copy of 'My Life,' by Ivanavich Lobechevsky, which features the most widely used and successful squares plays, including the legendary Scotsman's Groin, which only 32 players worldwide have ever been able to successfully pull off.
5: The Squaresman High Inquisitor shall be chosen using a Mackenzie sorting tally system before each game. His decision is final.
6: The game will go on for as long as it needs to, but will end when the bell goes.
Well, now alll those rules are over, lets get on with the really juicy stuff... here's the ending pitch (edited to remove jarrage-lines) of Heat 1 Pool 1 game, played between ODGG and THWP:
Wow. Well, as you can see, it was a pretty damn intensive game. THWP started off strongly with a series of mediumly placed defensive squares, consistant with the playing style of the school of Balthazar. This was obviously countered by the sharp shock tactics of ODGG, who was obviously trying to teache THWP out of his defensive position before he could properly create a good castling position. After opening up the boat a little with a few larger squares, ODGG made a few tactical errors, leaving the boat open for THWP's series of devastating pyramid moves. ODGG managed to pull it back in spectacular style with a brilliant stairway to heaven move (see the western side of the board). This was countered with a deadly killday flashback by THWP, who then went on to pepper the board with Cordelian Back-Squares. The game finished just as it was reaching epic status; ODGG had just managed a massive cube-combo that might have actually reversed the game. But as it turned out, these were the final scores:
THWP:
7 cuboid points
2 relax points
19 posted points
3 stairway points
ODGG:
2 cuboid points
81 circle points
3 cube combos
9 draft points
13.45 posted points
This works out as two cubits each, therefore: A DRAW
So, yeah. Squares RULES. As do I.
A billion Zombies murdered with a double cuboid combination.
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