Sunday, May 22, 2005

Boy oh boy, Star Wars is a funny film

I saw SWE3:ROTS (and if the damn thing's got a name thats that stupid in bloody abbreviations, how the hell do they think they're gonna market the name? The only good thing about calling it Revenge of the Sith is that it gives a lot of scope for calling it 'Revenge of the Shit' if its bad... all you do is move the last letter to the second place and then you're cooking) last night.

And man, that is one funny mother of a film.

They should have marketed it as a comedy. I'm not joking. I don't know why, but I was just giggling the entire way through. It's just the sight of all these people in stupid stupid costumes with silly shaped heads saying moronic things and taking everything deadly seriously. And the ACCENTS! Oh man, the first time I heard Ewan 'hello there my name's Ewan McGregor'
McGregor speak in his quasi-Alex Guiness voice, I swear to God I nearly ruptured something. He's in his spaceship, fighting alien robots (this is cool), and then suddenly he opens his mouth and over-pronounces every damn word. He said 'lets go fight the alien robots' in the same tone of voice that he'd use to say 'I saw old chap, lets drink some pimms and watch the henley royal regatta'. Also, he had this dumb beard which he stroked at every damn oppurtunity. 'Hmm'.

I guess that my quest to take this film seriously was somewhat hampered by the fact that every damn building/piece of furniture was either shaped like a penis or a pair of boobies. If you haven't seen the film yet, watch out for the scene in the Evil Old Man's Appartment with Anakin and the Evil Old Man near the beginning. There's a design on the sofa that's shaped like boobs. Not joking.

Actually, now I come to think about it, there were a couple of reasons why I found this film so giggleworthy. The League of Gentlemen. I recently became addicted to this show (I watched the entire of season 2 in one sitting, sue me) and the idea of Edward and Tubbs wandering onto set throughout the film and asking the aliens whether or not they were local was quite amusing. And of course, when we entered the lava planet, Disco Inferno started playing in my head.

Yeah, here's a list of problems with this film and bits I found amusing:

The baddies were all shit. All 500,000 of them. Why did Lucas choose to have so many bloody bad guys in this film? There was that old guy, then that other old guy, then that robot, then... they should have just stick with one guy throughout the entire trilogy. That Darth Maul would have been a cool mofo to keep going throughout all three films. He gets cut in half in the first one, really badly re-made as a robot in the second, then cut in half again. But in the third, he has four arms, just like that robot mofo. The four arms were COOL man.

The accents were silly. Hahaha, oh man, I just got reminded of the bit in the League of Gentlemen with the audition for the orange juice commercial. I realise that that was a very esoteric sentence, but shut up. Obi-Wan-Kenobi should have just shut up and let his eyebrows do the talking. Also, Lucas's HILARIOUS approach to the droid's voices, oh my god, it was so funny. I just laughed SO hard. Cos, you know, the droids are really lame, and one says 'uh, oh'. Pah. It would have been much funnier if all the robots had really lame fake voices like the Macintosh voices (push me, then touch me, til I can get my satisfaction) . That would be really funny. Well I think so, and I'm always right.

The dialogue was crap. Sorry, Lucas, you're a great... uh... but you can't write for shit. Here's my favourite exchange between two characters:

A: You're so beautiful.
B: You only think I'm so beautiful.
A: I only think your so beautiful because I'm so in love with you.
B: But you're only in love with me because your so beautiful.
A: So beautiful, even if I'm not in love with you.
B: So love has blinded you?
A: Love... beautiful. Lovely.

Well it wasn't exactly like that, but yeah. Pretty lame. Another epic quote:

A: You're bad!
B: Yeah, but from my point of view, you're the one who's bad.

No shit, sherlock.

There's this silly scene when Darth Vadar goes "NOOOOOO!". It was really funny... I dunno if it was intentional.

There weren't enough boobs in it.

Anakin was referred to as 'Annie'. ie that small ugly ginger bitch in "Annie". Wouldn't it be great if it actually turned out that she was Darth Vadar? Now that would have been a plot twist.

There was this big fat blue fuck that sat in the corner of the screen for one scene and was really offputting/funny.

Yoda was cool though. But halfway through I realised that he sounded like Papa Lazarou, and couldn't get the image of him saying 'My wife you are now Dave' out of my head. Kind of ruined it. But him saying 'not if anything to say about it I have' was good.

Yep, that's all I have, really. But you should go and see it. It's really funny.

Anakin, I'm pregnant. The baby's that blue guy's. I think they'll be smurfs.

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