Do you know that old saying, 'There are no boring things, just boring people'? Me neither... I think it fits more under the title of corporate bullshit than old saying. Old saying are wise. Old sayings are awe-inspiring (that 'tree in the forest falling down' one makes my sphincter tremble uncomfortably). But most importantly, old sayings are correct. Or at least thought provoking.
To date, 'There are no boring things, just boring people' is not correct. There are plenty of boring things. Lots of boring people too, but the boring things outweight the boring people (just through sheer mass. A single grain of sand is boring. Billions on a beach outnumber the billions of human beings on earth by quite a lot and therefore the things outweigh the people, purely in terms of sand. I haven't even gotten on to Art Film, Core Mathematics or Lost in Translation, possibly one of the most boring things ever). And top of today's list of boredom is Study Leave.
I don't believe it... study leave, the sacred nirvana towards which I have been striving to reach for the past four weeks, is not such a lush garden of earthly pleasures. In fact, 'tis a boring, dead, grey, dried up, Milton Keynes (or 1970's Get Carta-era Newcastle) of a place. Study Leave Is Shit. I realised this fact roughly three hours in.
I got up a bit late, watched my siblings go to school, waved them off, drank coffee: good.
I sort of wandered upstairs, did a Maths paper: Still good, feeling good about myself for the work I'm putting in.
Mother brings up a coffee/muffin: this is great! I'm enjoying myself immensely.
Mother leaves. I mark my maths paper. Final result: 56%. Feeling less good about myself.
I lose interest and surf the internet. You must undestand, I don't really surf properly. Actually, I just sort of flit between Maddox.xmission.com (to see if he's updated it yet), Fark.com, Aintitcool.com, toothpastefordinner.com (to see if any new cartoons have been posted yet), every blog on my favourite's list (to see if any of them have updated yet), and then my own blog... to see if there are any comments. Then I just start cycle through them again. God, I'm boring.
After 40 minutes of this, I sort of pick up the maths book and read through the stuff I don't get. I still don't get it: losing interest now.
I surf the internet some more. No updates on anything: interest lost.
I start doing sudoku puzzles, looked up from the internet: interest rises slightly, then falls when I realise that I just spent half an hour filling pointless numbers into pointless squares. I screw up the completed puzzle and throw it down the stairs, as my bin has disappeared.
I search the house for stamps. No stamps to be found.
And then other stuff happened, but I'm boring myself as I speak. Boring, boring, boring. Perhaps I am a boring person. But no... I can't be boring. I'm wearing a fisherman hat and I was wearing desert survival sunglasses. Those glasses were cool man, they made me look like an evil, evil fish.
AND I HAVE LIKE ANOTHER MONTH OF THIS. Fucking hell, I was bored out of my oh so manly skull within the first three hours. How am I gonna last day after day of this? Christ, I even began to lose interest in listening to Tears for Fears. Tears for Fears. In a weeks time the voices will start. I'll see strange, ugly little twins following me around. A random beaver/dog thing will appear and appear to fellatiate another man for a really brief and quite disturbing scene. Blood will pour from the elevator. The token black guy will get killed. There will be loud clashing music ever few days and the name of the day will appear in large lettering. I'll be in my car in the mountains and I'll see a helicopter chasing me.
THEN I'LL GO STARK RAVING MAD AND RUN THROUGH THE HALLS OF MY HOUSE WITH AN AXE, BASHING DOWN DOORS AND CACKLING LIKE A MADMAN!
Then I'll get out-brained by a moronic 9 year old with a retarded talking finger who looks like Anakin Skywalker with a stupider haircut and I'll end freezing to death in an endlessly-mocked jump shot. Then we'll see a picture of me in the hall that will leave the entire audience wondering what the hell happened.
Damnit.
The theme tune from the beginning of Pulp Fiction has two records to its name: its the coolest music ever and it's the most impossible tune to whistle. Just try it.
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