The ProofrEADJer, August Edition

An Imagined Conversation

Hey Maxie, put Bobby on. It's Todd. No, I can't wait. Put him on now.

(waits)

Bobby. Hey Bobby. It's Todd. You didn't unlock the freight entrance. No, you said you'd unlock it as soon as you were in, and I'm outside standing with a loop of tube like an asshole...No, I don't care what happened. Come around back and unlock the door so I can get in...What? A loop of tube. It's the tube for the ventilation install but rolled up in a loop. A LOOP of tube... No, come out now. I don't care if something came up... The what? Yeah, I don't care about that. We can take care of both of those later. I'm standing outside with this loop of tube looking like an asshole, so hurry up and come arou... Hah? What the heck does that mean? Look, I know we got a lot of job orders before Friday, and we got a whole list right after we install the... just come around and unlock the friggin' door, will ya, Bobby? Come on.

No, I ain't yellin' at you 'cause I'm mad at you. I'm yellin' because...

A LOOP of tube. It's a length of tube, like 50 feet, rolled in a loop. Wh.. why can't you hear me? Do you want to use the walkies? I'm like, thirty feet away from you, Bobby. A LOOP. Of TUBE.

What do you mean nobody says that? It's ventilation tubing, five inch, corrugated black plastic. And it's in a loop. I'm standing out here like an asshole holding a giant loop. Or hoop. Hoop sounds weird.

Are you gonna open the door, Bobby? I got some guy here now taking a photo of me with his cell phone, and I don't wanna end up on his blog like an asshole, standing here with a giant loop of tube.

Come on, Bobby, you're killing me.

TASK CHAIR AIN'T THROUGH WITH YOU YET BITCH

(Visual by Andrew Gall)





HEY PUSSY



THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH TASK CHAIR? THAT'S CUTE. YOU THINK YOU'VE MOVED ON, BUT FACT IS, YOUR SORRY ASS STILL NEEDS A TASK CHAIR.



SO SIT YOUR PUSSY ASS DOWN ON YOUR INFERIOR CHAIR AND LISTEN TO THIS SHIT. YOU'LL GET TASKS DONE RIGHT LIKE A BOSS IN A TASK CHAIR. BALANCE YOUR CHECKBOOK, DONE. COMPLETE TIME SHEETS, BOOM, DONE. SHIT, COMPLETE A SUDOKU FOR ALL I CARE, WHO GIVES A TOM FUCK. BOTTOM LINE IS, YOU WILL COMPLETE TASKS.



ARE YOU LISTENING, YOU SIMPERING PUSSY?



YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR BITCH EARS AND STOP DAYDREAMING BECAUSE SHIT LIKE THAT IS WHAT'S KEEPING YOU FROM WINNING. TASK CHAIR WILL DRAG YOUR DUMB-ASS OUT OF THAT FUNK AND SET YOU STRAIGHT. STOP BEING SUCH A NON-PRODUCTIVE PUSSY.



I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT COMPLETING A SUDOKU. THAT SHIT IS FRIVOLOUS PASTIME BULLSHIT THAT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. DO I NEED TO SLAP YOU AWAKE, YOU COCKSUCKER?



LONG STORY SHORT, GET A TASK CHAIR AND FUCKING RAPE THAT TO DO LIST. SEACREST OUT.