An Imagined Conversation

Hey Maxie, put Bobby on. It's Todd. No, I can't wait. Put him on now.

(waits)

Bobby. Hey Bobby. It's Todd. You didn't unlock the freight entrance. No, you said you'd unlock it as soon as you were in, and I'm outside standing with a loop of tube like an asshole...No, I don't care what happened. Come around back and unlock the door so I can get in...What? A loop of tube. It's the tube for the ventilation install but rolled up in a loop. A LOOP of tube... No, come out now. I don't care if something came up... The what? Yeah, I don't care about that. We can take care of both of those later. I'm standing outside with this loop of tube looking like an asshole, so hurry up and come arou... Hah? What the heck does that mean? Look, I know we got a lot of job orders before Friday, and we got a whole list right after we install the... just come around and unlock the friggin' door, will ya, Bobby? Come on.

No, I ain't yellin' at you 'cause I'm mad at you. I'm yellin' because...

A LOOP of tube. It's a length of tube, like 50 feet, rolled in a loop. Wh.. why can't you hear me? Do you want to use the walkies? I'm like, thirty feet away from you, Bobby. A LOOP. Of TUBE.

What do you mean nobody says that? It's ventilation tubing, five inch, corrugated black plastic. And it's in a loop. I'm standing out here like an asshole holding a giant loop. Or hoop. Hoop sounds weird.

Are you gonna open the door, Bobby? I got some guy here now taking a photo of me with his cell phone, and I don't wanna end up on his blog like an asshole, standing here with a giant loop of tube.

Come on, Bobby, you're killing me.

Meanwhile in Puerto Rico,

White people are still walking around famous Puerto Rican historic landmarks with full, undrunk cocktails like a pair of assholes.

What Recession? What Financial Crisis?

Pictured below, a place for honest, hardworking people to spend their paychecks to provide for their grateful, deserving children.

A Brief Message From The National Book Council

Reading on a Nook makes you look like an asshole.


This has been a brief message from the National Book Council.

Look At This Asshole.

Just look at her. Walking down stairs while on her phone. You're gonna break your neck that way, lady. Can't you wait till the bottom of the stairs before checking your email? What an asshole.

Sent from my iPhone

An Ad Spotted in An In-Flight Magazine

An ad for Blu "premier" electronic cigarettes- not those cheapo ghetto electronic cigarettes you grab at any bodega- endorsed by "DJ Heavy Grinder."

So it's a no-tar, no-ash, no-odor, electronic cigarette that makes you look like you're sucking on a pen light. But is it still addictive and cause cancer in infants? I hope so.

It sort of makes sense that a girl with colored contacts, dyed hair and a faux fur would endorse a fake cigarette. And her man hands makes me think DJ Heavy Grinder's got another secret. Pickle!

Here's the link to Blu Cigs.

And here's DJ Heavy Grinder's myspace page.