EADJ Crappinuum

So how did "The Casino Job" do?

(Click to enlarge)

Well, it sucked more than William Shatner's "Incident On A Dark Street" but it didn't suck quite as much as "Jeremy's Family Reunion." I would by no means call it enjoyable in any case.

The actual DVD Artwork:

Side note: I carried that DVD in my messenger bag for a few days, and people who spotted it in there automatically thought it was a porno. Thanks, "Casino Job" for getting me suspicious looks from a New Jersey Transit conductor.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

I got my Entertainment Weekly in the mail the other day and noticed something very, very wrong about the ad on the back.


Unlike other versions of this "Client List" ad featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt, I did not feel the strong urge to motorboat it. Was there something wrong with me?


No. The fact is, this EW ad was censored. Instead of the former "Party Of Five" actress's buxom bosom pouring out of her bodice like two pink water snake toys, some Puritan at the Entertainment Weekly news desk demanded that her chest be covered. After all, this is a wholesome magazine covering the popular erotic novel, "Fifty Shades of Grey."


Actually, my theory is that the publishers told the Lifetime Channel marketing team that they could get the high-profile back cover, but only if they sacrifice some cleavage and Photoshop some more material on Morty and Chet. That, my friends, is what is known as a Faustian bargain.

My Thought Process Upon Seeing That Ad For "The Client List," Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt

1) Whoa, baby! I gotta watch this these!

2) Lifetime? Oh. Okay, no thanks. They're not going to be showing much nip if the target audience is 50 year old cat lovers.

The good news is she has her own series. The bad news is, it's on Lifetime? So here's pretty much how I read the title of the show:


Still, tits.

An Open Invitation To Hooters To Just Come Off It Already

Hey Hooters

You're not fooling anybody, you know. This whole "we have a wholesome girls-next-door" image is a huge vatful of horseshit. You should just admit that you're selling fried food served with tits.


"Oh, we're just a chicken wing restaurant named after owls, and you're the one with the dirty mind." Right. That's why nighttime strippers work your afternoon shifts. That's why your commercials feature girls jumping up and down. That's why you had one of your waitresses appear on a news program to show this skill (I am so embarrassed for that female host):



Who are you trying to fool exactly? The mothers of teenage boys who are begging them to take them there? Your local city council who would otherwise outlaw strip clubs from the strip mall? The girls themselves? Because I'm pretty sure they're willingly wearing tank tops and panty hose with Keds and not thinking that's some random arbitrary dress code.


It's time you stopped pretending to be a mainstream brand and embrace the fact that you're peddling low-rent semi-porn. Pretty much the exact opposite of what GoDaddy.com has been doing.

Let's Buy Expired Gift Cards For the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted via text from Bill Dow, some true words of wisdom: