Let's Try To Buff All The Scratches Out Of The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew, a sign for a car museum that for some reason features a Ninja Turtle getting struck by a Chevy from the 50's, much to the delight of Speed McQueen.

And why this display was roped off, I'll never know.

Let's Turn Up The Hose Pressure Of The EADJ Mail Sack!

This from Emily Kane via MMS:

"Please blog about this amazing watch hat."

I have now blogged about this amazing watch hat.

Let's Pull Our Collective Heads Out of the EADJ Mail Sack!

This photo was submitted by Andrew Gall via text:

To read more about Myron Noodleman, Prince of Baseball, in this blog, click here.

And this completely unsurprising text message from Mig Ponce:

Let's Smear Day-Old Guacamole All Over The EADJ Mail Sack!

(Photo is unrelated)

 

This from Matt S:


I am in the middle of a drawn out battle with a furniture retailer in NJ, and have been given the runaround and been lied to while my son sleeps on the floor because they can't deliver furniture, their only job requirement.

In addition to contacting the BBB and (no one knows this, Fox 5 and Channel 7) I've just made a tumblr blog about this.

http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

Can you push this to your readers? I'd love for it to start making traction!

----------------


Thanks, Matt.

We feel for your son because of this travesty of customer disservice, but as a blog that mainly covers terrible movies and dick jokes, I gotta say this might not be the right forum for this issue to air.

Still, in our 6 year history, we have never turned a blind eye to an infant's troubles. Okay, maybe that once. But still, we're with you, Matt, and we'll share that link with both of our blog readers.


http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

 

Matt, hope this makes up for that time we pantsed you at Busch Gardens that summer.

Let's Put Neosporin On The EADJ Mail Sack Without Washing The Wound And Watch It Get Infected Anyway!

Submitted by Matt S.:

"your blog title...immortalized"

Let's Compare Yahoo Maps' Route To That of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Barry via text:

"When I saw a bowling alley arcade gift (1,250 points needed) this disturbing, I knew you had to see it.

Let's Wash The EADJ Mail Sack In Hot Water And Bake The Stains In Worse Than They Are Already!

Submitted by Patrick Ng, an open invitation to participate in the filming of "Beckinfield" with Star Trek: The Next Generation's Jonathan Frakes.




What is "Beckinfield," you ask? According to their website, "Anyone can join the ongoing story, build an audience, impress a Hollywood casting director, be featured in the highlight reel, and even make headlines in the Beckinfield newspaper."

So, that means Jonathan Frakes is essentially padding his resumé with online community theatre.

Let's Almost Forget To Submit A Daily Entry For The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Matt S., a piece of obvious (and generic) plot summary for "House."

Let's Buy Expired Gift Cards For the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted via text from Bill Dow, some true words of wisdom:

Let's Ask For More Meatballs To Go With Our EADJ Mail Sack But Complain When They Charge Us Extra For It!

This entry comes to us from Tom Weingard via IM:


This marks the first instance I've seen of a sports dong.


And I would imagine that a sports dong is stronger and lasts longer than your conventional weather dong.


But I think we're ignoring the real news here: Tom has the hots for Jenna Dewan.

This Is Too Good To Label As Just An "EADJ Mail Sack" Entry

This was brought to my attention by the nonfictional person Mig Ponce. It's an article in the April 2008 issue of Real Simple Magazine, which blows my mind that Mig actually read.


The article is about "America's Five Star Products," which scoured the best-reviewed items on the Internet. For music, they turned to the reviews on Amazon. Now take a look at that second bullet there.


"Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [Import]?" Now, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that could be a legitimately high-ranked CD, you might say, and you'd be right.

In honesty, what the fine folks at Real Simple Magazine had stumbled upon is this Amazon review page, which is full of hundreds of joke reviews of David Hasselhoff's terrible album. And I am proud to say that I myself had started the very first of these glowing, enthusiastic reviews back in 2001. Seriously.

What happened was I had been laid off and was working the third shift at Kinko's, which gets awfully boring at 3am, and I simply started writing joke reviews of David Hasselhoff's unbearable album to amuse myself. I made sure to sign off every review with the phrase "The song 'Hot Shot City' is particularly good."


Fast forward to today, where there are over a thousand ridiculously loving reviews of Hasselhoff's CD, all giving it five stars. And people have carried on the tradition of ending their review with "The song 'Hot Shot City' is particularly good."

Is the album that bad? Oh man, absolutely. Here's "Hot Shot City," just so you know how bad it is:



I myself haven't left a review on that Amazon page in quite a while. Amazon has since cracked down on how many fake aliases you can create to post a review, etc etc. But you are welcome to carry on this hallowed, decade-long tradition. Go ahead and leave your own, keeping this seminal album of his on top of the charts! Mig Ponce earns a special Mollusk award at the bottom of this website. ↓


The song "Hot Shot City" is particulary good.

Let's Dispense With The Pleasantries When Talking To The EADJ Mail Sack!

Forwarded by John Reid, an email:


--------------

From: chike chukwuonye
Subject: Fw: Invest & mangerment for an Artist and songwriter
To: licensing@atlantic-records.com
Date: Friday, September 30, 2011, 7:16 AM


Hello i'm a singer with recorded songs in demo and lots of sound tracks searching for music mangerment. your intresting will permit me to reach you with my promo copy audio CD


Name. Chukwuonye pat chike.
Stage name. Dibaocha.
Nationality. Nigeria. west Africa
Based in china..
Artist and songwriter CHUKWUONYE PAT.CHIKE ( a.k.a DIBAOCHA) IS among African'smost talented artsit,comedian,songwriter Hip hop,R&B,Rap's and a great singer,speaks English,AND Chinese.Already Record 6 songs demo and creat 12 sound tracks. looking forward for a better mangement.copyright and outright commission. to lead his dream true in the musical world.

I'm sincerely yours
Dibaocha.
+8615975505068...china mobile





I'm surprised he hasn't found proper "mangerment" yet. But how do I know this is an email from the real Ochosky Dibaocha and not some impostor looking to profit off his good name?

Let's Snort Cocaine Off the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by my brother Jay, a Facebook post that also doubles as a Rorschach test:


"OMG....I soooo thought that the picture was something else at first glance. Geez, the innocence is all gone."

Let's Form An Alliance With Both The Warrior Goblins, The Tree Elves And The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by John Reid:

Let's Add Soy Sauce To The EADJ Mail Sack Even Though The Waiter Told Us It Didn't Need It!

Submitted by Jason Rogers via MMS, a brand of microbrew that really speaks to me:


That is one happy looking sprig of hops.

I thought about saving this for the EADJ Pun Cops, but gah.

Let's Wind Copper Wire Around The EADJ Mail Sack To Increase Its Reception!

Submitted by John Reid, an unnecessary headline pun:

Let's Dress The EADJ Mail Sack In a Pince-Nez!

Submitted by John Reid, two sets of tiles he happened to get while playing Words With Friends:




REAL TALK!

Let's Comb The Pomade Out of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Two submissions by Andrew, who seems to getting lots of mileage from his new smartphone lomo filter:

Vince gives tribute to Blean Blablohen:


And Andrew does a "PBR Goatse:"


Barry submits this via text:

"I just thought you would want to see this. Why, I can't say."

Let's Bathe With Olive Oil And Potpourri In The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Mig Ponce via text:


And submitted by Jessica via text:


Apparently Goatse got divorced?

Let's Cede All Political Power To The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew, who just moved into a Chicago apartment with his wife. Some items left by the previous tenants:

"special move-in welcome dicks"