A tale of Aborahs...

Went to Abi's yesterday. It was, as usual, very Abi-ish. Abi, why do you always look slightly drunk? I don't get it. When she opened the door and saw me, she sorta slurred "hello Tom". Actually, it was less a slur, more like she was laughing. I don't get it. Abi is funny, though.
Other than that, yeah. It was a pretty alright night. There were two main highlights:

1: STEVE WAS BACK FROM SKIING! This led to two rushes of emotions:
a: Oliver turning into a horny sex freak.
b: Me turning into a fully fledged insulting freak which was, frankly, much more interesting. Steve deserves it. Here are a few of my favourites:

Count Von Steve: They kept throwing urine snowballs at me?
Captain Me: Well, you've had worse things thrown at you. Bricks... burning torches... atomic bombs.

Joe *looking at the Steve's t-shirt*: Whats that say on your t-shirt?
Steven: 54. It's my age.
Me: Or your head-count.

Steevie: Our shower totally got blocked up! The drain was really small.
Me: Or were you moulting?

Stevenberry: I have a cut on my face because I fell over.
Me: Or was it an angry villager with a pitchfork?

I have realised that these don't actually sound that funny in the retrospective. But fuckit. Here's me at my MOST amazing wit:

Steve: *tells uninteresting skiing story* ... and then our instructor said 'girls, we are off piste'.
Me: You must have been piste off!

Hhahahahahahha. Ah man, I totally fucking rule. Yeah, so that was highlight number one. Now, for highlight two:

b: "Justin"
I can't say who it is, because then "Justin" would kill me for giving away his secret, but "Justin", for valentines day, sent Duckface an FOUR PAGE LONG LETTER. And it was fully typed on both sides with a picture of a PIXIE ON IT. And he QUOTED SHAKESPEARE. Now I'm sorry, I don't usually mock people's romantic attempts (actually, who am I kidding, I've probably spent more time doing that on this blog than any other thing) but this deserves mockage. And yet, I didn't scream at him mocking phrases as soon as I saw him. So "Justin" should stop being a bitch.
But THEN he slapped my ear for no reason, quite hard. It was PAINFUL, so I did what anybody would have done, and yelled 'you fucking Shakespeare-writing valentines card cunt!' ... which I think was fair. So yeah, "Justin" is now pissed with me. But who cares? He writes Shakespeare in valentines cards. Fuckim.

NOTE: "Justin" IS NOT "Justin". It's, uh, "Justin". Ahem.

Loves ya, babes.
So, yeah. And we also watched Mike Bassett : England manager, which is a FUNNY FILM. Well, it was in the mood I was in. Hahahahah. Dude I rule. Screw this.

Oh yeah, and for all the peadophiles out there, I'm gonna be in Kingston today. Check out the band playing at the Bentall Centre. Actually, fuck them (not literally... ugh). Check out the POSTERS! I did one of them. Well, I helped. I wanted to stick a picture of a scone in the middle of one of them, but NOBODY HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR. And then Fati's allowed to draw a WAVE ON ONE. It's for the Tsunami. Grrr. So yeah, fuck you.

Um, good. Eviscerate Zombies with a long rusty hook.