He is now accepting callers, he is calling you DUDE!

I saw Evil Dead 2 last night.

Two words: Fucking hell.

This film is actally more genius than Einstein, mixed with Neuton, with a nice bit of Socrates thrown in for good mesure. Neutsteincrates, if you will. I was pretty much pissing myself laughing for the entire time. It's a horror, but damn is it funny. In a good way. How does it manage this? By taking everything to ridiculous levels.

A girl getting killed by a steadicam shot? Funny.
The girl returning to life and attempting to kill her boyfriend? Funny.
The boyfriend taking off her head with a shovel? Funny.
The boyfriend deciding to bury her, moaning madly? Funny.
The girl returning to life, dancing around naked and throwing her head around? Funny.
The girls decapitated head flying into the cabin and biting the boyfriend's hand? Funny.
The boyfriend running around screaming before shoving the head into a vice? Funny.
The girlfriend's headless body running into the cabin, wielding a chainsaw? Damn funny.

Ah man, I'm laughing at the memory. And it goes on from there. But now I must bring up the boyfriend. Ash.

I'm sorry, Gilly, but we now have new most manly man around. I mean, you may be black, but do you have a giant chin and a chainsaw for a hand? Sorry, but no. Do you run around, alternately screaming, crying, making wisearse comments and killing things? Sorry, but no. Are you anywhere near as damn cool as Ash? Sorry, but nobody is.
ASH IS SO COOL. The funny thing is that he's always just halfway between going crazy and kickin' some zombie arse, and crying in the corner. But don't worry, he isn't some pussy boy. Would a pussy boy chainsaw off his own hand, before healing the wound with a teatowel and some gaffa tape? Hell no. Would a pussy - boy have the strength to take off his OWN GIRLFRIEND'S head with a spade? Hell no. Would a pussy boy axe several people to death? Hell, no.

And finally, this film has the FUCKING COOLEST suiting up scene ever known to man.
The Batman suiting up scene? Not bad.
The Terminator suiting up scene? Quite cool.
The Shaun of the Dead suiting up scenes? Damn cool.
The Evil Dead 2 suiting up scene? Cooler than a fuckin... cucumber. In deep freeze. Basically, it involves his stump of an arm, his chainsaw, and a shotgun. Man, I was unable to breathe, I was laughing so goddamn hard. In fact, I was unable to laugh. I was just gazing slackjawed at the screen. Man. I HAVE TO GET THESE FILMS ON DVD.

Anyway, fuck you, I'm off to make a picture of Ash as my new banner.

Kill zombies with: Ash. Just Ash. He'll get the job done.