Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive RESULTS.

You behold a God.

Well, when I say 'behold' I mean, you're reading the blog of. Yeah.

Anyway, here are my results. Read em and weep:



Spanish

Exam: 85%, A

Term: A



English Lit

Exam 93: fucking percent, A*

Term: A* ... you should have read the report on me. Apparently my essays are 'stunningly mature', 'terrific,' and, 'brilliant'. Seriously, every other word was a compliment. I wonder what he'd do if he ever read any of the shit I post on this thing. I wrote an essay about my sodding SHREDDER (Which, by the way, is going rather well, thank you). Still, Mr S is a dude, in his racist way. Today we were in the computer room and I was just spinning madly around on my chair. My essay read:



'I am typing upside down lalallalallallalallalal this is fun isnt it andrey andrey is gay i should do some word.

I love cock i love cock

phippsy sucks

why am i not working?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'



Mr S sees this, nods, then corrects somebody else's essay. Man, I love being the class boffin at English.



Chemistry

Exam: 78%, A*

Term: A*

Physics:

Actually, fuck the sciences. I got A* in all the exams, and A* in all the classes except for Physics, which I got an A in. Do these teachers not actually look at me? I spent much of today's Chemistry lesson making off-colour remarks about 'suckback' and eating malt loaf. Mmm, malt loaf... food of the boaties. And suckback is a funny word, ok? I can't believe she didn't get it.



Art

Exam: 71/80, A

Term: A* ... A*? HAS SHE EVEN LOOKED IN MY SKETCHBOOK? I spent 8 pages doodling, then produced a rather bad painting of a huge man in a beret smashing up a city. For my most recent piece of GCSE genius, I'm doing snails. SNAILS. Fuck it that it has nothing to do with the subject. Mr Jeff is doing well, thank you. I recently moved him into a jam jar. I felt that the pickle one might have been bad for him.



History

Exam: 85%, A*

Term: A* AND THE BEST IN THE CLASS. So, uh, fuck you, iraqui boy.



French

Exam: A (This was AS level French, so A is the highest it goes. It's the Jonny Depp in Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas of AS level exam scores, if you will, for a nice film reference)

Term: A



AS Decision Maths

Exam: 69%



Pure Maths

Exam: 36%.... THIRTY SIX PERCENT. HOW MUCH DO I RULE? I am a total god. I suck so much at Maths. Mwahhahaha. But still, my overall maths result was B. B? How badly do I have to do to fail? I mean, for fucks sake. Next time, I'm not even showing up to the exam. I'll still probably get a C.

Term: A. I actually give up.



So there we have it. My results. I think you'll find more As and Stars than the Astrological Almighty Alcoholic's Anonymous Association's Annual Hollywood meeting, in Space.

Although, can I just make this point: I am not a boffin.

Only kidding. Stay back, before I melt you with my mind powers.



Zombie murderer: Corkscrew