HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
You cunts.
I don't even get a single card. WANKERS. Still, hey hey hey. I'll just nudge.
Dude.
Well, went into Londonia with Cassinda and Miss Abibibidiibidbidiibidbidibidibidibdibidibididbidibisdisdfklasdflkjasd,nm today. The idea was to visit many galleries and see much artwork and eventually formulate my idea for my GCSE art piece. So far, my idea: Snails. Not a joke. Yeah.
Anyway. Fuckit, here's the order it happened:
1: Thomas arrives in Waterloo.
2: Thomas laughs at Cazzaman's hair.
3: Thomas is still laughing.
4: Fatiiiii shows up. There is much praising of her jeans.
5: We slowly walk to the Tate Modern, taking the world's most RANDOM route. Thomas makes a hilarious piece of refential humour: "The Tate Modern? TAT Modern, more like!" Yeah. Sometimes I KILL MYSELF.
6: We walk into the turbine hall. Thomas remembers the RANDOM piece of installation art with a bunch of SCREAMING microphones telling me to 'work work work work work' and other such bullshit. Headached up to his skull, Thomas leads the other two in a nice big circle. Finally, we get into the gallery.
7: We wander around the gallery.
8: We see our first installation; a film of two men sitting down next to a tree. The men are doing nothing. We watch, slack jawed, for three minutes, before realising that NOTHING IS HAPPENING.
9: More wandering of galleries. We see our SECOND installation: A building in Mexico that slowly goes red. Despite the beeping sound and our cries of excitement, the building doesn't explode at the end. Boo, hiss.
10: The children are bored. We wander outside.
11: Thomas produces a map. Cazzaboy and Fatinda mock him. Thomas puts the map away.
12: Cassaboy and Fatinda get lost.
13: Thomas produces his map and the day is saved. Lalala.
14: Um, some more shit happens. We end up in Wagamamas.
15: Thomas ends up ordering like the world's spiciest soup. KERAZY. Its so spicy, he is totally unable to finish. Disapointing.
16: We wander towards the natrual history museum. Thomas tells the story of his previous experiences with the museum: The last people he went in with spent less than five minutes in there, then went shopping. SHOPPING. THEY DISCUSSED FLIP FLOPS FOR 20 FUCKING MINUTES. ARGH.
17: Some scottish cunt at the museum entrance searces my bag. Cos yeah, blonde teenager with two girls; I SURE LOOK LIKE AN ISLAMIC SUICIDE TERRORIST. Dipshit.
18: We get lost. Thomas searches for snails, Fatitititiitititi looks for monkeyyyyyys.
19: We wander through the earth science section. I read each of the headings out loud in a booming voice, realising that they all sound like:
a: Fighting films
b: Porn films
c: Pizza toppings
20: We re-emerge, having not seen ANY monkeys OR snails.
21: We walk the wrong way through the monkey section. See no monkeys. To make up for this, we walk through this section about four times. Haha, monkeeeeeeeeeys.
22: We sit on a bench outside for a bit.
23: We go to the Science Museum. Dude, how COOL are we?
24: We all stand, looking up, entranced, drooling slightly, at an AMAZING sparkly wheel of death.
25: While Cazoid gets a drink, we sit and look at a slightly less impressive plastic horse. Plastic? Spastic more like. Mwaha.
26: More wandering of the museum. Finally, we think, fuckit, time to go to Covent Garden.
27: On the tube there is some SCARY mofo with a rotting foot. He is obviously in extreme pain. But his foot had some HUGE RUNNING SORE. Not nice.
28: We buy Duckface a valentines card. After much laughing at the 'so sorry for you losing a child' (WE ARE EVIL) and searching for 'so sorry about the bowel cancer', we finally settle on a nice 'good luck in your new job'. We eat chips and laugh hysterically at the incredibly lame Ronald McDonald.
29: We return to Waterloo. There is singing of BeeGees. Oh yeah, we also have a competion over the day as to who can trip over the most amount of stairs. Final count:
Fattty-poo: 2
Cassindar: 3
Toemouse: 5
Dear me, we are retards.
30: Fati disappears. Cassindararararlasdjf;lasjdfl;kajsdfl;kjasdl;fk and me sit on a train, destroying an envelope.
31: We go to Kris's, then Emmas. I eat a lot of breadsticks. Some other stuff happens. We mock Paul's hilarious Valentine's NOVEL to Emma.
32: Everyone ends up... ugh, doing nasty stuff to each other. YOU SICK FUCKS. AND MIKE, PAUL WROTE HER A LETTER. WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU SICKEN ME. You're gonna break his sweet little american heart. Me and Caddyshack are the voice of reason.
33: Grin.
34: This isn't really a good number to end it on? Well, I don't care, fuck you.
I just realised. We did a SHIT amount of museuming today. But on the other hand, we still acted like a bunch of fuckin' losers. Ho hum de dum de do.
Yeah, screw you. Wink.
Zombie Killer: A hammer, as wielded by that nasty Punch in the freaky Punch and Judy video.
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