Manliness has a new name...

... and that name is Leon.

Man, this film kicks such a legendary amount of ass, its amazing. Its about this french hitman fella called, uh, Leon, played by Jean Reno. And he's very lonely, killing fat mafia mob bosses, drinking huge amounts of milk, wearing fucking cool glasses, doing many sit ups and looking after his pet plant. Then, as luck would have it, the family next door to him are brutally murdered by an evil cop, called Gary Oldman. Well, not all of them. A 12 year old girl called Matilda (Natalie Portman playing a rather creepy - she's fit but she's really young does this make me a peadophile? - roll) survives, and Leon adopts her for some reason. Then logic flies out the window and he starts to train her to be a hitman too. Ah, screw it.
Then everything gets topped off with one of the best goddamn gunfights EVER. I mean, CHRIST. It is basically one man against an army and he TOTALLY WINS.

This is a GOOD film. Gary Oldman is bloody hysterical in one of his most over-the-top evil roles of all time. I especially liked the scene when he gets totally fucked out of his head on pills and runs rampant through an appartment with a shotgun, shooting women, children, and fat fucks, quoting Mozart and whooping at the top of his voice. And he has the best fucking final last words ever. In my opinion, Oldman should be in every film. Fucked off his head, massacring people with a shotgun. Hell, it would improved Harry Potter. And Lost in Translation. And, oh god, Meet the Parents. Fuckin' Ben Stiller. Annoy me with your silly ears, will ya? And you, Bobby De Niro. For shaaaaaame. Well, your time is up. Meet GARY OLDMAN. Man, he is just to goddamn manly. He should be my new banner. The Monkees are already getting old.

Jean. Reno. Is. A. Fucking. Legend. He's a French guy, yet he manages to make the audience feel two emotions towards him:
a: A sort of 'aaah' emotion, like one would give a kitten or a pebble shaped like a particulary cute puppy.
b: A sort of HELL YEAH emotion as he hangs mafia hitmen, shoots white rastifarians in the head and takes down a wall with an axe.
And he has a pet plant. And yet, this never seems odd. They should bottle Jean Reno and sell him. THAT would be a perfume I'd wear. It'd be the smell of fresh sweat, beard, and blood. Man.
Hahahahhahaha.

My favourite quote of the film:
"Leon, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a... cleaner."
"Does that mean that you're a hitman?"
"... yeah."

Hahahahhahaha. I rule so much. So yeah, Leon and Gary Oldman's character enter my list of manly movie men which consist, mostly, of Ash from Evil Dead, and Oli G. Yeah, I know he's not in the movies, TECHNICALLY, but porn films count, don't they? A ho ho. And nature documentaries have been shot in his hair.

SCREW YOU. Please.

Honourary zombie killer: Gary Oldman, in Leon.