Shredders. Is there any cooler thing? Hell, even the NAME is rockin'. Shredder. Shredder. Shredder shredder shredder. Although tricky to type. Shredder. Shredder. Shredder. So cool. It sounds like a bad guy in a Bond film.
"Ah, Mr Bond, may I present... Dr Shredder," - and he has like a hook for a hand and is proficient with a kitchen knife.
Hey, didn't the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have an enemy called Shredder at one point? If I remember correctly, in the first film he fell into a trash compacter. In the second, he became infected with the 'OOZE' for some reason, and then a pier fell on him. For some reason. In the third film, he wasn't even there; that was the one when the Turtles travelled back in time to save China from the evil English bastards. Man, what a piece of shit that film was. The turtles were, like, fluorescent green! And they had spots on their heads. Total bollocks.
Woah, slightly off topic there. Where was I? Ah yes, shredders.
We got our first shredder today. Well, technically it was our second. My dad got one for christmas, but someone (ahem, me) broke it by feeding huge bits of cardboard and fabric into it. Anyway, that first one was rubbish. Does not compare to the new shredder. The New Shredder is, like, heavy duty. It totally demolishes bits of paper into tiny scraps. Not just long worms of paper, scraps. Brilliant. Its the sort of manly shredder that James Cameron (director of the good terminator movies), Batman (pretty manly) or Oli Gill (manliest man around) would have. It has these fuckoff impressive metal blades that, if you take off the top, you can see. Those babies could mash up an eight year old's hand pretty good.
So far, I have shredded many things with it. None of which needed to be shredded. There's a nice pile of paper scaps in the (heavy, metal, manly) basket underneath the actual shredder.
Ah, bliss.
Weapon for killing those who just won't die: My new shredder. Duh.
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