Ah, Oliver

This post is devoted to the one, the only, Oliver Gale Grant.

What can I say?

I dunno.

Oliver looks like a cross between a leek and Robert De Niro. Now I don't mean modern, Meet The Parents De Niro, although he does have a certain wrinkly charm. I mean Taxi Driver De Niro, when he was young and fit. But not young and fit Taxi Driver De Niro, oh no. I mean when he goes mad at the end and shaves his hair into a mohican and goes off and kills all those pimps at the end. Right. So imagine if, instead of shaving his hair into a mohican, he just shaved it really short and fuzzy. Then allowed it to grow back until it was a big untidy bush. And instead of killing the pimps, he just threw a basketball at their heads and verbally abused them until they gave him their clothes. These are pimps wearing primary coloured Nike clothes, of course.

Wait. I have actually realised that Oliver looks nothing like Robert De Niro. What was I saying? He looks more like John Cleese. Without the age. Or the mustache. And with different teeth. And looking different. God damn it, Oliver, are there any celebrities who you actually look like?

Screw it. Here is a list of OGG's failings:



He is the second Oliver I have ever known, therefore runner up.

Oli Gill has cooler hair.

Actually, Oli Gill beats you in most departments IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. But don't feel too bad, deary. Nobody measures up to Oli Gill who is, naturally, the manliest man around.

He is far too slimy. Would any manly man travel for an hour to visit a girls school? I think not.

He talks like a black man when he is quite clearly pasty grey. And now he's visited the Bahamas, pasty grey with a bit of brown mixed in.

He's better at Maths than me.

He's not as good as basketball as... uh... God.

He's spent roughly the average national budget of Mexico on shoes. All of which look the same.

Um.

He doesn't find me side splittingly hilarious? I don't know.

He isn't a hugely attractive blonde girl with massive breasts.

Lets just say he's got lots of faults.



But I still loves ya, Oli ;). In a non-sexual, manly way. Well, on the other hand, there are still some sick freaks out there who just won't get it. It would probably be a good idea to de-grade that down to 'think of you in a friendly way'. No PDA's though. What am I, a fag?



Ah, screw this.



Today's Guest Zombie hunter: Oliver, with his Air Force Ones of doom.