Instead of blogging properly, Thomas just posts a song he stole off the internet...

When it's fiesta time in Guadalajara,

Then I long to be back once again

In Old Mexico.

Where we lived for today, never giving a thought to tomorrow.

To the strumming of guitars,

In a hundred grubby bars

I would whisper "Teo amo."

The mariachis would serenade,

And they would not shut up till they were paid.

We ate, we drank, and we were merry,

And we got typhoid and dysentery.

But best of all, we went to the Plaza de Toros.

Now whenever I start feeling morose,

I revive by recalling that scene.

And names like Belmonte, Dominguin, and Manolete,

If I live to a hundred and eight-tay,

I shall never forget what they mean.

(For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!)

Out came the matador,

Who must have been potted or

Slightly insane, but who looked rather BORED.

Then the picadors of course,

Each one on his horse,

I shouted "Olé!" every time one was GORED.

I cheered at the banderilleros' display,

As they stuck the bull in their own clever way,

For I hadn't had so much fun since the day

My brother's dog Rover

Got run over.

(Rover was killed by a Pontiac. And it was done with such grace and artistry that the witnesses awarded the driver both ears and the tail. But I digress.)

The moment had come,

I swallowed my gum,

We knew there'd be blood on the sand pretty soon.

The crowd held its breath,

Hoping that death

Would brighten an otherwise dull afternoon.

At last, the matador did what we wanted him to,

He raised his sword and his aim was true.

In that moment of truth, I suddenly knew

That someone had stolen my wallet.



... and it goes on like this for another verse.

Can I admit, with shame, that I did not write the above piece of musical genius. It was, in fact, an old comedian called Tom Lehrer, who sits at his piano and sings.

Amongst his cheery repertoir of songs are the following:



A call to arms for those who like pornography -

"Por-

Nographic pictures I adore.

Indecent magazines galore,

I like them more

If they're hard core."



A song telling people to be cheery about nuclear war:

"And we will all go together when we go.

What a comforting fact that is to know."



And, of course, his ballad about the joys of murdering pigeons:

"When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,

But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide."



Anyway, what was my point about this guy? Oh yeah. Its 50 years old, and its still bloody funny. No swearing, no politically incorrect comment (actually, theres loads of that) and ... yeah. I dont think I had a point.

Oh yeah, all modern music is shit. Pretty much. And all modern comedians, with sort of the exception of anyone who has met anyone who has met Simon Pegg, and the writers of Monkey Dust, are all crap. So nerr.

Yeah, I didn't have a point. I just felt like posting some Lehrer on my blog. Is there a problem with that? I don't think so. Screw you.



All the world seems in tune on a Spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons (and zombies) in the park!