Watched this amazing piece of leejitimate theatre yesterday on the old jollybox (TV). Spiffingly good.
The following things, I have now decided, should be compulsulary with any piece of theatre. Or film. Or in fact, any sort of performance art whatsoever:
1: Tapdancing Ku Klux Klansmen. Everything needs dancing Klansmen. Hell, it would have improved Journey's End 10000000000%. For example:
Stanhope: Don't die, Raleigh! Please!
(RALEIGH DIES)
Stanhope: NOOOO!
(THE KLAN COME IN, TAPPING AWAY. STANHOPE STOPPS CRYING AND BOOGIES ON DOWN WITH THE HIGH WIZARD)
See? I rest my case.
2: A fat black Jesus in a loincloth. Imagine Passion of the Christ with Fat Man Scoop playing the Christ? It would basically be him lying on the floor for four hours with Romans beating his fat hide with sticks. Then they tie him to the cross, which overbalances cos of the weight and falls over, crushing the Disciples. I've just re-written the bible for the better. Dude. I rule so hard.
3: Satan telling Jesus to 'fuck you'. Why was this never in the Bible? It would have solved the entire Heaven vs Hell crisis. Also, it means that shit films like "End of Days" would never get made. Woopers.
4: Jerry Springer magically solving all the problems. Now, tell me. What story wouldn't be solved by Jerry Springer?
The Clown vs the Kids in It: Jerry Springer teaches them both the error of their ways.
Earth vs Mars in War of the Worlds: Jerry teaches them to love each other for who they are. Mankind and Evil Martian scum hugs, and walks out, hand in tentacle for a happy resolution.
Everyone v Everyone in Fight Club: Jerry would have to go down there and bust some asses. But he'd get the job done. Eventually.
Ah, screw this.
Also, Cassie rocks. Apparently.
Stop the Zombies in their tracks: Get Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry to teach them that acrimony is not going to solve their problems and they can resolve their disputes without eating people. Or just kickin' their arses with his microphone of death.
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