And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the DINOSAURS. And the homosexuals.

Ah, deary me. Jurrasic Park. Still kicks the arse out of most dinosaur themed movies out there. Well, how many are there?

Jurrasic Park 2: Actually, also quite kickass. T-Rex taking out LA? Hell yeah.

Jurrasic Park 3: Apparently, they used real dinosaurs in this one. These dinos then ate the last half-hour of the film, meaning it ended before the good bit; ie. the kid and his ANNOYING PARENTS being eaten. Fuckoff bad.



But this is why Jurrasic Park kicks arse. And I know I have no idea how to spell jurrasic. Jurrassic? Jurraaasssic? Fuck this.



1: It's dinosaurs, man. Basically, big fuckoff monsters that spent their days eating each other. I mean, really big. Dinosaurs will never go out of style.

2: The Raptors. They just deserve a number all to themselves.

3: The T-Rex. Manages to be both the villain AND the hero of the piece. And its first act is to eat a guy sitting on the toilet, and step on Jeff Goldblum.

4: Jeff Goldblum gets trod on. And a tree falls on his head. Pity they don't take it all the way and have him getting addicted to morphine and just randomly dieing, like in the book. Although, in the sequel, he returns perfectly to life. So I don't know.

5: It's based on the only non-lame Micheal Chriton book in existence. Well, actually, I've only read four of his books. Heres a runthrough:



a: Basically, 400 pages about how the Japanese are evil.

b: Jurrasic Park I CANT SPELL IT, which rocks.

c: Jurassic Park 2 which has a character who died in the first book returning perfectly ok. Which makes fuck-all sense to me. Whats going on? Why do I care.

d: In possibly the best display of lameness ever, our main character is fighting millions of tiny robots. Ooh, scary. The thing with this book is that he spends about 7/8s of it leading up to the one moment of total lame action/twist. That... sucks. Boo.



6: A guy gets his arm ripped off. They bloody wankers at ITV cut this bit. Apparently a severed bleeding arm is not good material for 6:50 on a saturday evening. Why? We all have arms. We all have blood. I don't get it.

7: Two farmyard animals get eaten. Take that, you bloody cow. And also, you bloody goat. Theres a rather amusing reference to Return of the Jedi in there also. Which I'm not sad enough to point out.

8: Kids nearly getting their faces bitten off by raptors in the kitchen. Hahaha, losers. And that fat guy getting MINCED. You lose, lardo.



Scaly reptililian creature chewing on each other's faces? Well, that brings me on quite nicely to Joe's gathering last night.

(see what I did there?)



Yeah, there was lots of fun had by all, especially Oggster and *Shudder* Steven.

I should really stop making fun of Steve. Not because its mean. No, because if I don't stop I fear she will slither to my house, use her hooklike claws to go up the wall, slip through my window and rip off my face with her talons while I sleep my sweet dreams. Dear dear dear me.



Also, Oli Gill: You god. Anybody with the ability to pick up where he left off four weeks ago in a space of less than an hour gets my thumbs up.



Also, Joey-Joe: Your carpet is stupidly slippery, I'm disgusted that you didn't name your guinea pig Thomas, and your bass guitar is lovely. Now will you stop air-basing in class?



Also, I managed to slap Abi's arse 3 times, bringing me up to a total of four.



Also, I made Roxxxxxay moist.



Also, STOP FEELING MY THIGHS, CASSANDRA.



Also, screw this.



Movie Zombie Killing: T-Rex. Duh.