So, you two are DICTIONARY salesmen?

Here are the UrbanDictionary.com listings for BLOG:

Well, the most amusing ones.



1: Short for weblog.

A meandering, blatantly uninteresting online diary that gives the author the illusion that people are interested in their stupid, pathetic life. Consists of such riveting entries as "homework sucks" and "I slept until noon today."



Me: Hurrah! That's me. Except for the 'meandering' (I AM NOT A RIVER), 'uninteresting' and 'stupid, pathetic.' Also, replace the words 'gives the author the impresson that' with 'proves to the author, without a shadow of a doubt.'

'cos then I don't look like a loser. I'm not a loser, am I? I probably am.



2: Blog

A website operated by someone who thinks the world actually cares what he ate for breakfast, what his girlfriend said, what bands he listens to, and what he had to do at work.

The most irritating blogs are those run by people who think anyone gives a crap about their ill-informed political opinions and who think that snarky insults is a substitute for good writing.



Me: Hurrah! Once again, that's me dead on. Except I don't have a girlfriend, and everyone does care about my opinions. Also, I HAVE no ill-informed political opinions. If I think it, its true. I'm THAT good. Also, this is 100% good writing, so I totally OWNED him. What does that mean anyway? Owned him as in 'I own this stapler' ? Does that mean that I can attach bits of paper to my wall with him? Hell, I probably shouldn't do that to my wall, anyway. Note to self: Dedicate a post to my wall, soon. My wall kicks arse.



3: Blog

Before it became an internet word, blog was a very strong drink of indeterminate recipe invented by sf fans, worse even than their Nuclear Fizz; like Monty Python’s Australian “fighting” wine, it is generally believed that blog is best left in the bottle so it can be used for hitting people over the head with.



Me: Hell, makes sense to me. At least I haven't found out that blog is actually some really dirty sexual practise. If you go onto pretty much ANY word on urbandictionary.com, you'll find that its actually like some awful taboo thing. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THESE WORDS TO MY MOTHER.

The following words are, amusingly, dirty:

Monkey

Zombie

Pirate

Spiderman

Actually, I can't go on. My vocabulary is suffering.



4: Blog

A place where mentally deranged people post about their life, no one actually cares about. Also they always post about how much life sucks, and how much they want to kill themselves. They also write in these online diaries (blogs) the most emotional stuff they can think of, just to get attention. Most blog entries include:

Lolz I wore a skirt today!

Sleep....

I had breakfast yesterday

My mum beat me up so I got kicked out.



Tanya: Lolz, check my blog, i wrote about what I did today!

Man: What was that, your sad pathetic life no one cares about?

Tanya: Hey! People care about what i post in my blogs!

Man: Reality check, no they do not.

Tanya: Wha...th..th..they don't? *cries and shoots self in head*

Man: AWWW like anyone cares that you are dead. *drinks milkshake*



Me: Duhuhuhuuuuude. It's the milkshake that makes it perfect. I have yet to post about how much my life sucks, though. And I don't want to kill myself. This is worrying. I have a sharpened scalpel blade by my desk, why don't I use it?

I am one of those people who feels guilty that I have none of those crippling diseases/birth defects. Not being suicide is possibly enough to push me over the edge.

Although, I am unlikely to type 'LOLZ I WORE A SKIRT TODAY'. Lolz is not a proper word, even if you take off the stupid use of 'z'. Its S, you retards. And lol makes me want to slap people. Although, I am partial to the feel of a nice miniskirt on my long shapely legs...



5. Blog

Short for web-log, an online journal for those who wish to share with the world, or have horrible handwriting. Some are captivating, more are aggrivating.



Me: My handwriting is HILARIOUS. My blog is captivating, right? Screw you, I don't care what you think.



I have just realised that I have produced a long post that consists mostly of material stolen from another website. Yay, my first plagerisation! Long may it continue.



Nuts to THIS.



Tie up the zombies, cover them in honey and put them on an ant's nest. Duh.