I blasted the lawless element with PRINTER's ink and they returned the compliment.

Who the fuck invented printers?

I mean, for Christ's sake.

I have just had a five minute's yelling match with this grey piece of shit. I was TRYING to print a picture of a snail. For my art. I'm doing snails. This is how it proceeded:



(Imagine the voice of the printer as the sublime Douglas Rain. Twenty points for the first person to correctly identify the film reference)



1: Thomas switches effortlessly into third person.

2: Thomas hits print.

3: Thomas realises that you have to set the paper size manually on EVERY SINGLE PRINT JOB YOU HAVE TO DO.

4: Thomas cancells print job. Printer does not like this. It whirrs.

5: Thomas sets paper size, hits print.

6: Printer doesn't do anything. It clicks and whirrs.

7: Printer: I'm sorry. I have randomly fucked up, just to annoy you.

Thomas: F***!

8: Thomas cancells print. Printer doesn't like this. Thomas opens the lid of the printer to have a look at wtf is going on. The thingy slides along.

9: Ah, wrong print cartridge. Thomas removes the print cartridge. The printer thing slides back, gets jammed and SCREAMS AT ME.

10: Thomas swears. Thomas turns off the printer. It doesn't like this. It whines, like the wanker it is.

11: Thomas tries to put the print cartridge in. It doesn't fit.

12: Thomas finally realises that its the wrong ink cartridge, which looks IDENTICAL to the right ink cartridge. FUCK.

13: Thomas hits 'print'.

14: Printer: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. Print jobs stopped.

15: Thomas starts print jobs, hits print.

16: Printer: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. I'm just a big gay willy.

Thomas: F***! And my name isn't Dave!

17: Thomas punches printer.

18: Printer: Now that isn't going to help, now?

19: Thomas rants.

20: Thomas re-does everything, then hits PRINT.

21: Printer: I'm sorry, Dave. Just kidding. Here you go.

22: Printer prints. Slowly. Thomas breathes a sigh of relief.

23: The final print is PINK. PINK. FUCK.

24: Thomas: F*** !

Printer: HAHAHAH!



Seriously, I was THIS close to drop kicking the fucking thing through the window. It would probably have had an error connecting with that, too. Never EVER buy an HP printer. They suck more than a vacuum cleaner.



Screw this, I'm too pissed off.



Annoy zombies to death with A STUPID PRINTER THAT DOESNT EVER PRINT ANYTHING PROPERLY WHEN YOU REALLY NEED IT.



(EDIT: It took me about 5 minutes to post this thing, as blospot decides to be totally fucked. Gimp. Gayness. Has the entire computer universe decided to implode on me? Its 'cos I took the piss outta Bill Gates the other night, isn't it? Stupid ginger dipshit.)