Don't you dare use the word PARTY as a verb in this shop!

Ah, Emmas party.

I got invited to a party. See, I have a social life too! And now I am writing about it in my internet blog to all my internet buddies. *ahem*. Still, here it is, in all its timeliney glory:

Actually, nobody had a watch so its all a bit of guesswork.



8:30: Thomas and Oggster arrive outside Emmas house. After wandering up the road a bit, they actually find it, and give Emma her present, the worlds most gay hat. It suits her.

8:31: Thomas realises that Kris is already smashed. He pokes her in the tummy.

8:35: Thomas manages to call Georgy fat.

(Backstory to this - at a previous party, I told her that she looked like James Zaremba, a boy I know. SHE DOES. But apparently, that's insulting. I therefore swore to myself that I would not insult her again)

8:36: Georgy looks insulted and leaves.

8:40: Thomas loses two laughing competitions with Mike.

8:45: Thomas consoles Roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxay over the loss of Busted. He makes a conscious, mostly successful effort to keep looking at her face, despite all the discussions going on about her boobies. I'm a gentleman, you perverts.

8:50: Someone's bra starts leaking, but then it turns out that it was just stuff spilt on it. My plan to make a sort of bib is mocked and derided.

8:52: Thomas loses another two laughing competitions with Mike.

8:55: Thomas mourns the lack of Oli Gill at this party. He always adds extra spice to proceedings.

9: Thomas and Mike realise that there is a trampomaline outside and go to jump on it. Thomas gets freakishly excited by the trampoline.

9:10: James (THE COOLEST DUDE AT THIS PARTY. MY THEORY THAT THERE IS ALWAYS ONE TOTAL DUDE AT ANY PARTY STANDS STRONG), with his crazy drink (I don't want to know what was in that), Abi and some other randoms come out to jump on the trampoline too. We have a sort of trampoline party.

9:15: Thomas goes on the swing.

9:16; Thomas has some big group hug with Mike, OGG, and everyone else.

9:20: Thomas goes inside and mocks Bibby. And then Kris, who is just giggling in a confused manner.

9:45: Thomas tries to go outside again, but is told that the neighbours are getting pissed off with all the noise.

10: Thomas has a conversation with Roxy and some other random people. He wanders off after realising that, after 20 minutes, he actually can't understand anything they are saying.

10:20: Thomas searches the house for Joe and Kris, who have disappeared.

10:25: They reappear. Thomas mocks Joe's choice of romantic hotspot: the road.

10:30: Thomas cuts holes in the empty Stella Artois box and wears it on his head, for some reason. Not sure why. He yells some words at Cassie the loser who couldn't come down the phone.

10:35: Thomas tells a random blonde girl that she looks like Paul Wilkinson, a fellow boatie. She takes it as an insult. Thomas decides that its probably a good idea to keep his girl/boy comparisons to himself.

11: Thomas loses another few laughing competitions with Mike. Thomas takes off the box and jumps on it in riteous anger. Thomas rips the box apart. He then draws a smiley face on one side of the card, and a sad face on the other, and swaps his mask around. Much hilarity.

11:10: Thomas loses interest and throws the piece of card across the room.

11:15: Accompanied by Abi, Thomas looks for Ogg and *ugh* Steve. Finds them outside. Not pretty.

11:16: Thomas attempts to rip out his eyeballs.

11:20: Thomas and Abi go and mock Ogg and Steve. Abi is depressed for some reason, and tries to run barefood down the road, NARROWLY avoiding a piece of ultra sharp glass. She gets about halfway down the road before coming back.

11:23: Thomas slaps Abi's arse really hard. She deserved it.

11:25: Thomas goes back inside and has groovy fun with his pal James.

11:40: Thomas tells Bob aka Hannah that her head is too big for her body. Thankfully, Bob is less offended than usual, only saying 'thanks' in a sort of sarcastic manner.

12: Theres a long period of leaping onto people on Emma's sofa. Much fun. James attempts to take photos of himself in midair, then runs through the house taking photos of girls when they are not expecting it. Thomas realises that James is a God. Abi looks morose.

12:15: All the couples wander off. Thomas sits and ponders how everyone he introduced has started going out.

12:20: Thomas sits on the stairs and has a conversation with everyone about the fickleness of life. He misses Cassie because he loves her so much. Ahem. Yeah... He wonders everyone else got paired with the easy girls.

12:25: Abi collapses in a depressed heap. Even Thomas's amazing comedy skill (pulling her face into a smile and telling her to cheer up) don't work.

12:30: Everyone starts to leave. Woo, party over. Thomas has A CONVERSATION WITH ROXY. A big milestone. Usually, its just:



Me: Hi ROXY!

Roxy: HI TOM!

Me: How are YOU?

Roxy: I'M OK!

We stare at each other, then both of us slowly back away.



But this time, it was an ACTUAL conversation. Well, ish. She made fun of my yellow lycra.

12:35: Emmas dad appears from nowhere, scaring the SHIT out of me. He complains that the neighbours are complaining about the noise.

12:37: All the girls start randomly screaming.

12:40: Oggs dad comes to pick us up. I invent a new system of hugging everyone goodbye; just raise your arms in the air and tell them to 'hug away'. I get nearly mobbed. That popular.

12:50: In the car home, Mr Ogg starts singing to Eminem. When we get stuck behind a police van, he yells 'FUCK OFF, COPPERS!' I realise that he is actually quite cool. Or drunk.

1: I arrive home and can't find my key.



Yeah, that was it.



Zombie Killin' in Oz: Kangaroo death kick.