It's FRENCH! The FRENCH are coming! I've never been so happy to hear the FRENCH!

Guess what exam I had today?

Here's the runthrough of this TWO HOUR long beast. In the third person, as is the style of the day:



0 minutes: Thomas opens his paper and looks blankly at the first question. Thomas's mind reads: "......"

1 minute: Thomas stares incredulously as Mr Frazer walks into the exam room and tells everybody about the french exchange. He hands out a sheet and walks out. Thomas returns to work.

35 minutes: Paul kicks Thomas's chair. Thanks Paul.

40 minutes: Thomas finishes the reading part of the exam. He loudly cracks his knuckles in celebration, and giggles internally as several people in the room flinch. Thomas goes onto the writing part of the paper.



Ok, allow me to go back into the first person for a while. Note to self: Next time, while doing a writing paper, write it out in pencil first. Basically, this is how I wrote the essay:



1: Read the question. Mentally ponder my response.

2: Scribble down the entire essay in roughly ten minutes. Do a word count.

3: 5 words over budget. Panicking, Thomas erases several words.

4: 10 words under budget. Thomas fits in some new sentences.

5: Re-reading, Thomas realises that it makes no sense, and is in fact scarily violent. It features a member of the french resistence killing a Nazi soldier.

6: More erasing. Thomas replaces the murder with the theft of nazi guns, and the destruction of a bakery with a bomb. No kidding.

7: Now about 15 words OVER budget. Panicking, Thomas erases about half the essay and re-writes it. Unfortunately, he has used so much ink eraser ink that he can't erase half the words, and messes up the eraser. Anyway, eventually it is done.

8: Thomas checks through the essay and finds many gramatical mistakes.

9: Thomas fixes mistakes. Usually, just by scribbling out the word and using a little arrow. His essay now looks like the Bride of Frankenstein. It's modern art.

10: Thomas is still a few words over budget. Instead of doing anything properly, he just buries his head in his hands, before scribbling out a few seemingly non-essential words. Unable to do any more, he gives up.



I am impressed. I've managed to include a timeframe list in front of a timeframe list. Ok... back to the timeframe. The first one.



1 hour (ish): Thomas finishes his essay.

1hr 10: Thomas has finished checking. No major alterations: Thomas is a genius. He looks at the clock, and realises that he still has 50 minutes left. Loud sigh.

1hr12: Next to him, Ogg finishes, closes his paper, and rests his head on the desk. Aw, little angel.

1hr15: Most of the class have now finished their work. There is some sort of drumming competition going on amongst the members of the class at the back. The teacher seems not to notice. However, there shall be a twist in the tale...

1hr30: Thomas tries to balance ink cartridges on top of each other.

1hr35: Thomas starts to get hungry. His stomach starts growling. Thomas's thoughts? : "Oh bugger, rowing training."

1hr40: Thomas watches Simon Haslam do his Italian exam for a bit.

1hr45: Thomas builds a tower of ink cartridges, rulers and pencil sharpeners. It falls over. Loudly. Thomas winces. Did the teacher hear? I hope not. Actually, I care not.

1hr50: The Italians leave the room. Thomas bangs his head on the desk.

1hr55: Thomas re-reads his paper for the 1000th time. Still no corrections. Blast.

2hrs: About bloody time. Teacher takes in exam, but asks to see Thomas and some other drummers after the exam. Gasp! Was it the tower? No. The teacher was actually asking the small ugly american gimp behind Thomas, otherwise known as Paul. Huzzah. Thomas leaves, skipping gaily down the hall. In a gay way. Huzzah.



Woo, life is easy. I win, I win, I win, I rule.

Do I win? Yes... yes. Yes I do.

Wikka.



J'aime tuer les Zombies avec une épée. Actually French. I looked it up. How cool am I?